Good times. (photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #76 – Lose someone? Tell me…”What was he/she like?”
Greetings All — and Happy Friday!
I had the chance to watch the movie ST. VINCENT with Bill Murray this week. And this exchange stood out to me:
Oliver: “Sorry, Vin, for your loss.”
Vincent: “Never understand why people say that.”
Oliver: “They don’t know what else to say.”
Vincent: “How about, What was she like? Do you miss her? Or, What are you gonna do now?”
“What was she (or he) like?”
On Monday we had dinner with some people we haven’t seen in person in a few years. Inevitably the question comes up: what have you been up to? Inevitably, we fill in the events of the last year or so. Inevitably, people are sorry for our loss.
But this time…the young man at the table asked me a question:
How do you do it? How do you keep someone’s memory alive?
So I told him about the blog: how it started, what I set out to do, where it’s headed. I was honest with him…I wasn’t sure who was reading it, if anyone, or for how much longer.
“Just write. Write for yourself. To remember him.”
And it struck me that that was true. So this week…I bring you a photo of Rob at a family wedding. It was a fun wedding…a true celebration…with an awesome cocktail hour and dancing all night long. There are endless stories to tell from this wedding…most notably of Rob getting his butt pinched by another male attendee!!! To him…it remained a compliment of the highest order! And we laughed about it many times since. A single moment…a most precious memory. A shocking good time was had by all!!!
Your Challenge for the Week Ahead: “What was he/she like?” Chances are you’ll encounter someone this week who has suffered a loss. Our first instinct (and mine too, believe me!) is to apologize…to say we are sorry. And we are…but maybe we can go further. Ask a follow-up question: What was he/she like? Were you close? Do you miss him/her? (I’m sure there are others.) I often hear people say, I’m sorry to ask about him. And my immediate reply is always the same: don’t be sorry…I love to talk about him!
Remember your loved ones…and help someone this week remember theirs!
Spread Happyness – have you lost someone dear? Tell me: “What was he/she like?”
2/26/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com
As one of the leaders in GriefShare I deal with those with loss weekly. This week I opted out of attending because, like a sponge engorged with water, I just could not take anymore grief, nor, is there anything to give. The giving is very important to me.
We have both suffered loss over these past few years, as you know, my sister died a year before our Rob. And, toss in Joanne and Robert’s continuing decline, I am on overload.
I look at and focus on the good times. Pictures help, and with Robert they are plentiful With sissy, not so much. Although, I do look at the picture of her and I as little ones sitting on the steps in our little ‘jamies; Her hand tucked in mine. As the years passed there were many times I need her hand to hold me up, help me out, lead and guide me. Sadly, there is no one now to go to. Our children should not be burdened with such matters, and yes, our friends help but, they do not share the history of a family member.
Nightly I am visited by my Jason and my sister, actually, my dreams of late, albeit confusing, are very soothing.
My memories of my parted ones are treasured and unlike my husband, they are intact. Flying a kite with Jason at Spruce Run, listening to the boys make fun of my ‘theme’ tree each year, telling Jason I loved him so often he actually told me to stop, but, of course, he was entering puberty. With my sissy, I remember long, secret talks. But, what I loved is those talks that focused on my boys. She is dancing in heaven at your success. She loved my boys as if they were her own. If she was here I could talk with her, share the adventures you and Jamie are on but, sadly, she is not here. I love the memory of her at a Christmas Eve Service when instead of blowing out the candle she almost put it in her mouth…I would tease her about eating worms when she was little….
So, in memory of Jason I will continue to work on being less judgmental…of others and myself. And, in memory of sissy, well, maybe buying some peeps, let them harden and eat them…
There is nothing worse than being alone….
Hi Anne — thanks so much for sharing! I feel so blessed to have known Aunt Chris, to see the unconditional love and pride in her eyes as she soaked up Jim’s presence, to see her absolute delight and patience with her special-needs clients, and to hear her thoughtful commentary on a world that often confounded her. She was a most peaceful and healing soul. Jason I’ve yet to meet…but I do enjoy the stories of a rowdy 14-year-old! Keep those memories alive…’til we meet again!