“Keep Going” (Photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #38 – “Keep Going!”
Welcome, June!
We flipped the calendar to a new month this week…and with that, I’m forced to look ahead to August. I keep a three-month spread out in front of me at all times. Always taking three months at a time. 13 weeks. 1 whole quarter.
As I started to fill in my August dates…I can see the anniversaries now all in one shot. 1st round of chemo. 2nd round of chemo. 3rd round. 4th round. Rob in the ER. Rob in the ER again. 5th treatment…nope. That one’s scratched out. That’s the day I took Rob to a pre-op at Sloan in New York. The last precious and beautiful day we spent together outside a hospital. Exactly 10 days before he died.
And here we are…another Friday the 5th.
This grief has been an extraordinary thing. Just when you think you’re doing okay, it throws you another anniversary! Looking at three months of reminders of where we were last year is more than overwhelming. Some people have suggested that I not record those anniversaries…but there are others too. The day I gave notice at my corporate job. The day I left my corporate job. The day our first writing deal came through. The day we finished and sent a certain script. These all serve to remind me that stuff happens…every day. Some good. Some bad. The Universe may be indifferent…but Serendipity is alive and well, too.
At a time when things just don’t make sense…and I feel my heart growing dark and cynical, I cling to this truth: Anything can happen.
And I hear my brother’s voice urging me on…as I know he urged on many of you:
Keep Moving! Keep Going! Keep Playing! Keep Flying!
Your assignment for this week: Are you feeling like you are up against a wall? KEEP GOING! Press forward to that one next step…and then the one after that. Better yet…do you know someone who is stuck or struggling to move forward? Urge them on with some encouraging words: Keep Going! Keep Playing! Keep Moving! Keep Flying!
ANYTHING can happen. The good…and the bad. The answer: Keep Going!
Spread Happyness — Keep Going! (And encourage others to do so, as well!)
6/5/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
Grace,
I cannot thank you enough for writing this blog. I look forward to every Friday because of it. I think keeping these dates written is good. It’s a good reminder that anything can happen, good or bad. Don’t let anyone tell you how to handle your grief or what you should or shouldn’t be doing.
We all process things differently.
I loved Robert so much. He was truly an amazing person. I cannot imagine the pain you and your family have endured. The memories you have are so special and profound. Some people never experience that level of closeness or deep connection.
You brother truly loved you and spoke highly of you often. He’d always talk about his “twin”. Thank you so much Grace.
Jenn! Thank you SO MUCH for following along and taking the time to share your comment! I really appreciate it — and am so happy that you, too, had the opportunity to experience your own closeness and connection with Rob. It amazes me daily how much he managed to share of himself with so many people — and I can only imagine how limitless he is now! Thank YOU so much!
Good post Grace, I found myself this morning thinking of how things have changed and how this time last year we were all suffering not knowing what whas gonna happen To our sweet Rob. Today I started volunteering at Pet Adoption League, something I was going to do last year but postponed so I could be available for Rob on Fridays for chemo of whatever he needed, I decided a month ago that I was ready to try again and volunteer. Driving there this morning made me remember why I had postponed these plans and it was very overwhelming. Of course I felt a little better after playing with 7 adorable kittens (no I did not take any home). I dont know where I am going with this but I feel that things are coming full circle this year in a way, I wonder what will happen after the 1 year anniversary….It seems impossible that we lived for a year without him. Oh yeah, my point was that this was my step to keep going! xoxoxo
Thanks, Marlo…for following along and taking the time to share your thoughts. I love that you are picking up your volunteer plans again — and on Fridays. How perfect! And yes, this first year has been such a journey already — we just need to take it one day at a time! We’re in it together…Keep Going, Marlo! XOXO
Thanks Grace for your brilliant post and ‘right on’ truths. You know Rob on a different level than many who knew him. Unless he was unique and felt only joy, he smiled through life’s ups and downs. And, for those who were blessed to receive one of Rob’s, “Hey, Ms. Sommers” smiles it was a cherished gift, everything was okay or would be. I know he is gone but, somehow that brilliant life cannot be gone, or the kindness of Chris or the specialness of Jason but, they are gone indeed. The time passes and yes, good things happen, joy returns, the sunsets still blaze across the sky but, there are the dark times. I read somewhere that a man who survived the concentration camps was asked the question. “How did you survive?” He said, well, even though I couldn’t see the sun shining, I knew it was and that is what I focused on. We greive because we love. It comes with the territory.
I have been in a dark place today, first in a very long time. sort of a feeling of dread. One of two things will happen. It will pass. Or, the reason will surface and I will confront it. Either way, there will be a sunset…
Hi Anne! Thanks so much for your post and sharing your thoughts. The story you referenced is captured in a song that we sang last year called “I Believe”…based on a poem that was written on a basement wall at one of the camps. The poem starts: “I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining…” It is a great reminder to hold on to hope!