Week #364 – Life Between the Losses (Reflections at the Seven Year Mark)

Greetings Happyness Tribe — and Welcome to Week #364!

Seven years ago on September 5th my world changed forever — and on September 8th, SpreadHappyness was born.

It seems like forever ago and just yesterday all at the same time. And as I head into September — and especially the week ahead — I can’t help but simultaneously look back AND look forward at the same time.

Seven years is a tricky amount of time.

A lot has happened to put A LOT of distance between life “then” and life “now.” We lost Rob, we moved, I started a new job, I settled into a new life in Los Angeles, but my heart always seemed to stay in Ocean Grove. Finally I settled into a visiting routine. Then Covid came, and going home as often wasn’t as much of a choice. And then we lost Jim’s dad in the most unexpected way…

As the losses piled up — (and believe me, I know there are many many blessings in between!) — the distance got greater. As my former boss in New York once said to me in a passing conversation:

“You gotta put a little life between the losses.”

Seven years out, I’m putting some life between the losses. I still miss my brother. My family. My Jersey Shore life. I struggle with the distance and ask myself every day if it’s worth it.

And in the meantime, I try to remember the basics:

• Smile
• Wave Big
• Say Hello Like You Mean It

Because I know it’s not always easy.

It’s not easy to smile,  wave big and say hello like you mean it when you’re grumpy, or sad, or struggling.

(And that’s just Week #1 and #2!)

It’s not easy to reach out, to lend a hand, to mentor or encourage someone when your world feels like it’s falling apart.

It’s not easy to plan ahead, to set goals, or to try something new when your heart has been broken by disappointment…again and again and yet again.

Seven years and 364 weeks later, I know that to some people Happyness seems simple…maybe even too simple. But let me be the first to tell you, it’s not easy. It’s hard work. And it is SO necessary! Because the reality is, some days (or even years) the world gets the better of us…

…and other times, Happyness wins!

How do I know? I started this website on September 8th…THREE DAYS after my brother took his last, labored breath in a small, quiet hospital room in New York City. (And tomorrow, I’m starting something new again!)

When I launched Spread Happyness, this is what I wrote…and this is what I believe to this day (it’s still the contents of my “About” page):

SpreadHappyness.com was created in honor of my beloved brother and best friend, Robert Church Jr., who died on Friday, September 5th after a short battle with cancer.  He was 40 years old.

It is my wish to identify and carry forward (through weekly blogposts/challenges) the torch of Rob’s legacy — which I believe was his natural ability to spread happiness to anyone who was lucky enough to cross his path.  If you knew Rob, you already know this to be true.  And I bet you have a story all your own about something Rob said or did — maybe even 20 years ago — that continues to make you happy today!  I want to hear those stories!!!

If you didn’t get to meet Rob, let me introduce you.  I pledge to deliver a little dose of him to you every Friday morning (at least) via this blog.  Because cancer is not the only thing that can spread.  Happiness can take on a life of it’s own too!  It will be up to us to carry his light forward by sharing our stories, living his lessons, and spreading happiness to those who are now lucky enough to cross our paths!

With great love and affection for you all…
Grace (aka “Rob’s sister!”)

So if you didn’t get to meet Rob…let me introduce you! 🙂

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Welcome to Spread Happyness!!!  Spread Happyness is not about being Happy. It’s about “Spreading” Happyness by making choices that uplift and elevate others…not tear them down. When you feel the world getting to you this week — or better yet, when you see it getting to someone else — roll up your sleeves and get to work. There is Happyness to Spread!!!

To life! To love!! To Happyness!!!

Spread Happyness — please share your thoughts in the comments!

9/03/21 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com