Week #281 – Valentine’s Day is February 14th!  (Read this before buying that expensive gift!)

We haven’t even flipped the calendar yet — but I want to warn you:

Valentine’s Day is two weeks from today!

That’s two Fridays from now! And Yes, this year Valentine’s Day is on a Friday. (Go ahead, check your calendar…I’ll wait.) Alright…good. Now that we’re on the same page…let’s continue. Because you really want to get out ahead of this one!

So I wanted to take a moment to repeat my little public service announcement to remind those of you who will celebrate this year:

PLAN AHEAD!

(And for those of you who aren’t planning to celebrate…check out the PS: below just for you!)

You’ve got a good two weeks to pull together something — and if you make a call today, you may just get ahead of anyone who doesn’t realize that February starts tomorrow! But before you pull out your credit card to buy that expensive gift — or pick up the phone to find a dinner reservation for 7:30p (and yes, at this point, the good slots will be taken) — take a moment to think about what the Valentine in your life REALLY wants.

Back at Week #125, I took an informal poll back at — and asked people:
“What is it that you REALLY want for Valentine’s Day — but are afraid to ask for?”

Here, once again, are the answers!  (And one thing is for sure: most of them are not purchased at a mall or served in an overbooked restaurant.)

Take heart — and listen to what REAL PEOPLE told me they REALLY wanted for Valentine’s Day:

For Starters
– Words of Affirmation: the reality is, most people I asked did NOT respond with a request for a gift or money spent.  They wanted to hear good words from their partners.  You can start the day with a note, a card, or even a text (but PLEASE…don’t follow it up with a request!).
– Affection: from young to old, many people (women particularly), want some physical reassurance that you are their one-and-only.  Hold a hand, give a hug, plant a kiss (but again, don’t follow it up with a request or expectation for more!).
– Surprise at Work: one woman I spoke with initially told me she wanted dinner and dancing — but then confided that she and her husband always do that.  What she really wanted was for him to send flowers to her workplace.  In her words, “we know we exist when someone else thinks of us.” This could take the form of candy, flowers, fruit, or even donut bouquets! (Bonus points for sending them on Monday so he/she can have them all week!)

The Main Course
– Dinner/Movie: Dinner is a go-to part of Valentine’s Day — but most everyone I talked to didn’t want the hassle of going out.  Much of this depends on where you are in your relationship — but preparing a special meal at home (one young millennial mentioned grilling steaks for his girl) and settling on the couch to watch a movie (he lets her pick) was his plan for February 14th.
– Dinner/Dancing: Still, there are those who look forward to getting gussied up and going out on the town!  As mentioned, if this is you — make your plans early, leave plenty of time, and go all-out!  (And pay cash…you’ll both feel better about it the next day!)
– Gifts: Surprisingly, more men mentioned to me the desire for a gift!  A nice watch, electronics, or sports gear seemed to top the list.  However, more than one woman mentioned cash or a gift certificate to her favorite store or service.  (As far as gifts go, permission to splurge on oneself should not be overlooked!)
– Nature: Whether it’s a long walk, a beach day, a ski-day, or a lazy drive — the quiet of nature is a great place to get out and get connected to one another.
– Get-a-way: If it’s in the budget and wouldn’t cause additional stress — make plans to slip away for a weekend or even just an overnight for a little one-on-one time.  A snowy lodge, a flashy casino, or a quaint B&B might be just what you need to remember what brought you together in the first place!

The Sweet Stuff
– Conversation: Both men and women reported wanting to “really talk” with their significant others.  And as one young man said to me: “if I could have anything, I’d just want him listen to me.”
– Cuddling: Sorry guys…but top ‘o the ladies’ lists is a good cuddle!  I know you may not be able to understand it…but the ability of a man to selflessly provide affection can be very erotic!
– Sex: Sorry ladies…but the one thing your guy is really hoping for is that you still dig him.  If you really want to surprise your guy, let him know it!

Bonus
– Couple’s Challenge: One young man I asked told me that he would love for his partner to commit to a challenge with him!  Whether it’s to get in shape, quit a bad habit, build a new one, redecorate that spare office or basement, or plan for a vacation — some couples thrive on encouragement and teamwork!  Working together to achieve a goal can be a great way demonstrate your love and commitment throughout the year!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Valentine’s Day is Friday, February 14th!  Do you know what the love in your life REALLY wants?  Use this list to jump start the conversation!  Present him/her with a menu of options and have them circle their favorites.  You might even be able to team up to make sure you BOTH get a little of everything you want throughout the day.  The most important thing is to PLAN AHEAD!  Whatever your love wants — don’t leave it until the last minute.  And if it is reservations — please make them now, preferably for BEFORE or AFTER the 7:30p rush!  (And be sure to take care of your servers and bartenders, chances are it’s their Valentine’s Day too.)

Above all: Remember that Valentine’s Day is available every day — not just once a year!

[A big THANK YOU to all the brave souls who let me put them on the spot — and whose honest sharing made this post possible!]

Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD!  And share your Valentine’s Day ideas in the comments!

PS: I realize that for some, Valentine’s Day may not be the happiest of holidays this year or ever.  Death, divorce, disagreements, or decline can bring about mixed emotions — or maybe you are just flying solo this year and aren’t happy about it.  If this is you, you are not alone.  Many people report similar feelings.  Their advice?  Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends, the company of like-minded people, or in the things that you really want for yourself!  Or…throw a Quirky Alone Day or Galentine’s Day party for you and anyone else who wants to celebrate “romance, friendship, and the independent spirit” by putting a heart on all kinds of love: romantic, platonic, familial, and the best love of all…loving yourself! (And don’t forget the pets!)

1/31/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #280 – How about “A Breath of Fresh Air”?

This past week, Facebook reminded me of a “memory” from this time of year in 2015. I was out taking a walk between NFL playoff games, and noticed that the trees on the North side of Main Street were blooming. Even in the middle of January…Spring was in the air!

And it felt so good!

It reminded me of this post from Week #20 — just a few months after Rob passed and someone remembered him to me as a “breath of fresh air.”

“A breath of fresh air…”  It’s one of those phrases we throw around a lot — but do you ever stop to think about what it really means?  The literal definition is a breath of air (most likely from outside) that isn’t stale or stinky.  Figuratively — it’s a new, innovative, or imaginative approach.  But did you know there is another meaning?  According to American Heritage Dictionary, it also means “a welcome arrival” — replacing the terms “breath of Heaven” or “breath of Spring”.

I found it especially poignant at the time (and still do, really) that someone who longed to take just one, long, easy breath — was remembered as a “breath of fresh air.”

It’s that cabin-fevery time of year again — and I’m still very much aware of areas of staleness in my own life: unpacked boxes, undone to-do’s, and other unfinished business — all standing in the way of new ideas, new approaches, new arrivals, solutions, or just a clear and happy head (and heart)!

How about you?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: How about a “breath of fresh air!” Are there areas of staleness in your life where you need “a breath of fresh air”?

• Cabin Fever — Maybe just a change of scenery is enough.  One of my fondest memories as a teen was when my parents would treat us to a day trip to the shore in the middle of winter.  We weren’t used to seeing it so barren and vacant.  My brother and I would walk the beach, eat lunch on the sand, and take in some much needed sun and salt air.  Take a ride, take a walk, or take a trip…get out from behind those four walls and see something new!
• Indecisive, Confused, Blocked — Are you asking the same people for input, feedback, and advice?  Maybe a new perspective is in order — someone else’s!  Seek out those who have achieved what you want, are on that track, or who know something about the topic at hand (maybe even someone who disagrees with you).  Fresh perspectives are the stone that sharpens the sword…seek them out and leverage them to their full effect!
• Welcome! — Are you rolling out the welcome mat for the right people in your life?  Are they people who lift you up or put you down?  (Maybe you need to put out the “closed” sign instead!)  And what about you?  When you cross someone else’s threshold, are you spreading happyness — or just stale and stinky air?

Get some fresh air this week — and give some in return!  Change your scenery, change your perspective, or change the company you keep.  Happyness in…Happyness out!

Spread Happyness…and share your “fresh air” ideas in the comments!

1/24/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #279 – Ten Practical Ways to Spread-the-Warmth during a Cold Snap!

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!

I’m running out of daylight here on the West Coast so I thought I’d flash back to one of my earliest posts…Week #17 to be exact.

I had just visited my parents in early January 2015 (just a few months after Rob died) and I had some time to go through the many, many cards and letters they received.  In all the material I read, one of the most frequently used terms to describe Rob was “WARM.”

That may well have been the case…but since it was cold and Jersey was going through a cold snap at that time, my mind was on spreading warmth. So I came up with “Ten Practical Ways to Spread-the-Warmth.” Here they are:

At Home
1. Start someone’s car!  I know many of you have remote starts but there are still a few of us who don’t!  A warmed up car as you’re running out the door is such a blessing!
2. Leave the porch light on!  Nothing says “I love you” like a well-lit door.  (And nothing says, “Ha ha…I’m warm in here and you’re not!” as you fumble for your keys in a dark entryway!)
3. Boost the thermostat for loved ones.  I know a big, tough, maitre d’ who runs a dining room staff like a Don…and yet he told me he sets the thermostat to rise 15 minutes before his youngest gets up for school so that he’ll have a warm bathroom in the morning.  How sweet is that?!
4. Help carry in the groceries — or volunteer to bring home the food!  Either way, plan meals at home during a cold snap.  This not only saves money…it saves valuable time lost to deciding where to go, going there, waiting for your meal, and then coming home.  And who doesn’t need more time?!
5. Snuggle up with hot beverages and watch movies.  As a family, as a couple, with friends, with pets, or all alone…movie night is always a precious way to stay warm, get a little extra rest, and catch up on all those films that you missed during the holidays and nicer weather!

Outside the House
6. Bring donuts/coffee into work.  Be that guy (or gal) — and expect nothing in return!
7. Put the carts back!!!  (‘Nuff said!)
8. Take care of your gas station attendant.  I’ve lived in places where I’ve pumped my own — and I know how to do it — but man, it sure is nice to stay in the car on a cold day!  Be sure to thank that guy or gal who’s making that possible!
9. Know someone else who works outside?  Bring them a snack or something hot to drink!  (This is also a nice way to win over someone’s heart…just sayin’.)
10. Finally…Move It Along!  If someone who works outside is waiting on you to move or make their job easier (gas station attendant, crossing guard, mail carrier, garbage/recycling pick-up, delivery people, etc.) send a warm message and make a way — or move it along!

Your Happyness Challenge for the (Cold Winter) Week Ahead: Spread the Warmth! Does something here ring a bell?  Have you tried something and it worked?  Have someone ever done something like this for you? The cold weather gives us a unique opportunity to get cozy, care for others, and create new memories. Find ways to make it enjoyable for everyone around you!

Spread Happyness — and Spread the Warmth!  Share your ideas in the comments!

1/17/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #278 – Spread Happyness: PLAN AHEAD! (And USE those calendars!)

Happy Friday, Everyone!

Today is Friday, January 10th — and this is your annual reminder to unwrap and USE those cutesy calendars you received over the holidays!

By now, I hope you’ve had the chance to process and celebrate the year we just completed — and set some new goals or visions for the new year ahead.  (If not, click back to Week #276 and Week #277 for some ideas about how to do that.)

• Maybe you’ve picked your ONE WORD.
• Maybe you’ve completed an end-of-year review.
• Maybe you’ve taken a life-satisfaction assessment to see where you’re at — and where you need to grow.
• Maybe you’ve set some SMART goals — and you made them even SMART-ER by considering the WHY behind your WHAT.
• Maybe you’ve set up a daily tracking chart like Jerry Seinfeld’s “Don’t Break the Chain.”
• Maybe you have cleaned your slate for January and are focusing on “Big Rocks First.”

What next?

What do we do with all those goals, dreams, visions, aspirations, and insight?

Plan them!

It is well-documented that planning ahead is directly related to happiness. And not only that — scheduling your goals and commitments increases the chances that you will actually follow through with them.

There’s a lot of discussion about the virtues of paper calendars versus digital calendars.  Digital calendars have great portability and a low profile — but rarely are they in your face.  A password, and then one, two, maybe three clicks — not to mention competition with all those other apps once you’re unlocked.  They just don’t give you much information at a glance — or much time to really plan ahead.

A paper calendar, hanging on the wall by your bathroom sink or on your refrigerator in the kitchen, may not be all that high tech — but it is certainly high-profile.  It also gives you (and whomever you are sharing it with) time to ponder, compare, contribute, discuss, and yes — even plan ahead!

And many people are boosting their outlook by using FULL-YEAR wall calendars to track all the major events, holidays, appointments, and deadlines that are already set by the time we turn the calendar to January 1st — not to mention their personal goals and commitments.

I’ve long been a 90-day outlook-er myself: three months seems focused, manageable, and it fits nicely with the seasons…but this year I’m trying out a full year calendar again. It’s still intimidating…but a few years after more than a few major life changes (a job loss, a death in the family, and then a cross-country move to name a few) I’m finally starting to feel like I can plan further and further into the year ahead. I do so carefully, because I know that anything can happen. Still…a full year’s calendar reaffirms that time is moving, the year will pass, and I may as well try to make the most of it from where I stand today!

Why not try it?

There is an old proverb: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.”  (Proverbs 13:13)  Don’t allow your daily or weekly schedule to rob you of the joy of planning ahead!  Start plotting your year today!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: PLAN AHEAD!  Perhaps someone gave you a cutesy calendar during the holidays — or you grabbed a freebie at your bank or pizza place without really thinking about where or how you’d use it.  I challenge you this week to HANG IT UP!  If you don’t like the pictures, tear out the calendar pages and arrange them in months, quarters — or the entire year at a glance.  Then open your personal daily planners, pull together all those school and activity calendars, queue up Google to search holiday dates — and start plotting your year!

• Start with the big holidays and three-day weekends, birthdays, and major events (like weddings, graduations, important anniversaries).
• I also like to mark the solstices/equinoxes, full moons, and time changes.
• Then move on to some of your goals.  Are you running a marathon?  Writing a book?  Growing a business?  Saving for a house?  Planning a vacation or next year’s holiday travel?  Start plotting your desires on the calendar by asking: where and when will this take place?

Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD!  Share your favorite calendar tips — but most important, share your calendars with the ones you love!

1/10/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #277 – Happy New Year — and Welcome to 2020!!!

As I mentioned last week, I hope you made some time over the holidays to look back at 2019 and CELEBRATE the things that went right.

And, I hope you have a plan in place to keep track of the good stuff that will come your way in the year — and decade — ahead. Because we are on our way!

I just returned to Los Angeles after a week home on the East Coast. I’m barely unpacked, let alone un-Christmased — but I did take some time on New Year’s Day to sit down and reflect on the year past and the year ahead, using some of my favorite Year-in-Review tools:

“ONE WORD” — A few years ago I ran across a little red book called The ONE WORD That Will Change Your Life. The gist is this: while contemplating the year ahead — and working through a few questions (in the PDF on the website: www.getoneword.com) — you come up with ONE WORD that encapsulates what you want the year to mean to you. Then, you make a plan to keep it front and center to live out daily. What ONE WORD would you like to make your focus for 2019?

YEAR-END REVIEW — David Allen (author of Getting Things Done) offers a series of “Year-End Review” questions on his website (and, more recently, in a podcast episode) that prompt you to “complete and remember” the year behind — and “create” the year ahead. (The links are from previous years so just modify the years to 2018/2019.) You can move through this list quickly with first thoughts — or spend lots of time really unpacking things. What would you like to create for yourself in 2019?

CLEAN SWEEP — Another favorite is the “Clean Sweep Assessment” — a more mathematical measurement of personal satisfaction in four key areas of our lives: physical environment, personal well-being, money, and relationships. How do you tally up?

GOAL SETTING — There is always traditional goal-setting — take a dream and use the “SMART” acronym to break it down into: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound action steps. Just remember to put a little WHY behind your WHAT — and consider an even SMART-ER approach by adding EMOTION and RESULT to the mix by asking WHY? (“So that I can FEEL…” and “So that I can achieve/accomplish/acquire/arrive at/accept…etc.”)

FIRST 90 DAYS — A dear friend turned me on to the idea of quarterly goal setting/reviews when I first made the move to Los Angeles, and it seems to be the thing more recently. Rather than set goals for the entire year — especially when we’re uncertain about what an entire year will bring — set short-term goals for the next 30/60/90 days and reassess at regular intervals.

BIG ROCKS FIRST — This is an idea that resonated with me this year as I am committing to making more space for new things to come into my life. We’ve all heard the story of the teacher who challenges his/her class to fill a jar to maximum capacity using rocks, sand, and water. The best strategy, of course, is to put the big rocks in first. I’m starting January by just putting the biggest, most important rocks into my schedule — and adding as I go.

HABITS — And for all you compulsive types trying to build a daily habit — check out Jerry Seinfeld’s excuse-busting “Don’t Break the Chain” method (it’s not just for writers)! Or Google “habit tracker” to see how bullet journalers set up simple grids to create habits and hold themselves accountable daily.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: If you haven’t done so already, take some time this week to reflect on the year past — and to think about the year ahead. What are your goals, dreams, aspirations, and visions? Where do you want to be next year this time? How are you going to measure your success? What habits would you like to build? What are your big rocks? And what is your WHY?

And if you have a favorite reflection or goal-setting tool that you use, please share it with me in the comments or via email. And if there is some way that I can help you set a goal that will Spread Happyness to you or someone you love in 2020, please let me know that too!

Spread Happyness — share your dreams, goals, aspirations, or favorite tools in the comments! And best wishes for good health, Happyness, and wholeness in 2020!!!

1/3/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com