Week #337 – Lower Your Expectations (Stick with me…it’s not what you think!)

Greetings Tribe – and Happy Friday!!!

This idea has been on my heart all week…and I know it sounds a little controversial but stick with me, because it’s not what you think!

I had a dentist appointment recently in the middle of this pandemic. Los Angeles is still largely shut down and while things are opening…they are opening very slowly and with great caution.

My dentist is no different. As front line workers they’ve remained open. But there are new procedures in effect. New policies. New restrictions. New precautions.

You know what’s not new?

His level of service.

In fact, I would argue that with the stricter policies came an even HIGHER degree of service than normal. Given all the precautions, they took the time to turn UP their service and professionalism (not dial it back).

Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Over and over again, we’ve all heard the familiar disclaimer while we wait on hold, stand in line, or face delays with things that weren’t a problem just a year ago:

“Due to Covid…”

Yes, due to Covid. Things may take longer, they may be more complicated, they may be slower or more deliberate. I work in service, so I know. We’ve had to jump through a lot of hoops to get things open and running, balancing the need for safe AND speedy.

You know what hasn’t changed? The need for accuracy and professionalism.

This pandemic has tested us, it’s strained us, it has pushed some of us to our limits and beyond…but it shouldn’t compromise us. We can lower our expectations, while maintaining (or even raising) our standards…with ourselves, with each other, and with the people around us.

Let’s not let circumstances be an excuse for bad behavior (this goes for me, too!). When the going gets tough…when the world tells us to lower our expectations, it might be a good time to raise the bar!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Lower your expectations (but raise your standards!) Whatever challenges life throws at us…whether they be personal problems, public problems, even a global pandemic…take a moment to draw the distinction between expectations and standards. Expectations are messy…they are the things the world, our jobs, or maybe even our relationships set for us (spoken or unspoken). Your standards are ones you set for yourself…your boundaries, your limits, your ability to perform, to follow through, to be professional, or to exceed!

Spread Happyness – Raise the bar (for yourself and those around you)!

2/26/21 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #336 – “I believe in you!” (Encourage someone today!)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!

This time a year I’m always reminded of that time SpreadHappyness was featured in a coloring book!

So here’s a look back at Week #74…and a little reminder:

I believe in you! (Now go encourage someone today!)

To recap: Spread Happyness was featured in a coloring book back in 2016. I had interviewed Scott Cuzzo of SpryMind in November 2015 as part of my “Happyness in Action” series.  Scott spreads happiness by creating coloring books that are good for adults of all ages and genders.  His most recent release at that time, “Believe!”, featured over two-dozen positive quotes and thoughts on the word “Believe” — including one from yours truly!

At the time of the release, I had been traveling for an entire month — stripped of all the things that kept me focused, busy, on purpose, and pleasantly distracted in the year after losing my brother. Now, away from home and my work routines, I was left with an abundance of time to be out in the world. And honestly, it just made me miss Rob even more!

It was enough to make me want to get back on a plane and head home.

But I made myself stay. Reminded, once again, that if I can sit with it long enough — there was presence in the absence. Years later now, there still is.  In every new experience, there is a painful reminder that he is gone for good. I cannot text him or call, cannot share the latest laugh, or ridiculousness, or Super Bowl commentary. Yet somehow, my relationship with him continues. He still shows up.

Even six-plus years later.

It’s a rock and a hard place.  Which reminds me of the coloring page that Scott drew for my quote, and my own interpretation of his drawing.  To me it was a rock — buried in a pile of other rocks — perhaps looking for a way out, or a way to the top, or encouraging another rock to do what seems impossible: BELIEVE!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: BELIEVE IN SOMEONE!!!  Rob loved to encourage people.  Even if he didn’t always believe in himself — he always took time to believe in others.  If you know someone who’s between a rock and a hard place — take time to say “I believe in you!”  Send them a note, share this page, roll up your sleeves, or sit down and color with them while they sort it all out!

And if it’s you that’s feeling discouraged this week…then this post is for you!  “I believe in you!”

Spread Happyness…Encourage someone today!  Share your stories in the comments!

2/19/21 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

(To learn more about Scott Cuzzo: visit him on Facebook (facebook.com/sprymind), browse his coloring books on Amazon, or contact him directly at scott@sprymind.com.)

Week #335 – The Hard Work of Happyness

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

I’m not gonna lie…this blog has been a challenge lately! And it’s not just Happyness that’s been hard…everything seems difficult. Changing schedules, roller coaster restrictions, worry over friends who are struggling (like, really struggling), not to mention upheaval at large. It’s enough to make me wonder if I was ever on the right side of this!

And as Rob’s birthday came around again yesterday (the seventh one since he died) …and I struggled with what to write, I thought to myself:

Why is Happyness so hard?

Which reminded me of my own words…my own post. The echo of my own voice coming back to me from Week #260…all the way back to the very beginning:

It’s not easy to smile, wave big and say hello like you mean it when you’re grumpy, or sad, or struggling.

(And that’s just Week #1 and #2!)

It’s not easy to reach out, to lend a hand, to mentor or encourage someone when your world feels like it’s falling apart.

It’s not easy to plan ahead, to set goals, or to try something new when your heart has been broken by disappointment…again and again and yet again.

Shoot…NOTHING has been easy in this year-of-all-pandemic-years!

I know that Happyness seems simple sometimes…maybe even too simple (even to me). But let me be the first to tell you, it’s not easy. It’s hard work. And it is SO necessary! Because the reality is, some days (or even years) the world gets the better of us…

…and other times, Happyness wins!

How do I know? I started this website on September 8th…THREE DAYS after my brother took his last, labored breath in a small, quiet hospital room in New York City.

At that time, this is what I wrote…and this is what I believe to this day (it’s still the contents of my “About” page):

SpreadHappyness.com was created in honor of my beloved brother and best friend, Robert Church Jr., who died on Friday, September 5th after a short battle with cancer.  He was 40 years old.

It is my wish to identify and carry forward (through weekly blogposts/challenges) the torch of Rob’s legacy — which I believe was his natural ability to spread happiness to anyone who was lucky enough to cross his path.  If you knew Rob, you already know this to be true.  And I bet you have a story all your own about something Rob said or did — maybe even 20 years ago — that continues to make you happy today!  I want to hear those stories!!!

If you didn’t get to meet Rob, let me introduce you.  I pledge to deliver a little dose of him to you every Friday morning (at least) via this blog.  Because cancer is not the only thing that can spread.  Happiness can take on a life of it’s own too!  It will be up to us to carry his light forward by sharing our stories, living his lessons, and spreading happiness to those who are now lucky enough to cross our paths!

With great love and affection for you all…
Grace (aka “Rob’s sister!”)

So if you didn’t get to meet Rob…let me introduce you (again)! And wish him a Happy Heavenly Birthday while you’re at it! 🙂

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Get to work!!! Spread Happyness is not about being Happy. It’s about “Spreading” Happyness by making choices that uplift and elevate others…not tear them down. When you feel the world getting to you this week or this month — or better yet, when you see it getting to someone else — roll up your sleeves and get to work. There is Happyness to Spread!!!

To life! To love!! To Happyness!!!

Spread Happyness — please share your thoughts in the comments!

2/12/21 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #331 – Repost: Ride the Wave! (In Memory of Caitlin Kelley)

Greetings, Tribe!

Last week I got word that a sweet neighbor, friend, and fellow hospitality heart from Ocean Grove had passed away suddenly. She was warm and welcoming and young…way too young.

And so, I want to repeat this post for her — because she loved this phrase as much as I did. And she always had a way of reminding me of my own words:

“Ride the wave.”

“Ride the wave” became a sort of mantra during Rob’s funeral.  I had written it on the back of his car in window chalk…because it was the last thing I said to him.  He was fighting so hard.  And having no words, no answers, no nothing for this perfectly healthy and beautiful young man with everything to live for…the only thing that came to mind was a surfing analogy.

But the words are not mine.  They are wise words that came to us from an experienced screenwriter friend as we were riding the rapidly changing highs and lows of our first script going out to market.  Our friend is a surfer too, and it was a language we immediately understood: you can’t control the outcome, just the effort.  Skills, preparation, determination, focus…those were all on us.  After that, just “ride the wave” the furthest and best you can.

It became a mantra for us when facing difficulties or challenges: “Just ride the wave.”

Surfing was a language that Rob understood, too — and it can teach you a lot about life.  You don’t just run out and jump in hoping for the best.  There’s a lot to learn before you get that first ride — and there’s a lot more practice after that in order to do it even moderately well.  Like most things Rob picked up, he took to it almost immediately — and enjoyed it immensely.  And his happiness became our happiness, too!  (You can ride waves of happiness, too!)

Friends, the waves of life keep coming. Some are perfect and beautiful and clean…and some are rough and nasty and utterly unrideable.

Are you — or someone you know — facing a wave right now?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: “RIDE THE WAVE!”  Like the waves of the ocean, we can’t always control the conditions in our lives. (Didn’t 2020 teach us that?!) You can try to go over them, under them, around them…or get knocked down by them.  Or you can RIDE THE WAVE.  With a little practice and preparation…you can be ready to paddle in when the wave comes to you.  Perfect conditions or not…we can only control our responses.  The enjoyment and fulfillment is in the ride itself! (And it’s helpful to remember that wipe-outs are legendary, too!)

Ride that wave, Caity…right to the shore, where I know you will be greeted with a smile, a wave, and a very big hello. Rest in Heaven, Girl.

Whatever you’re facing…you’ve got this!  Paddle in, pop up, and ride that wave!  

Spread Happyness — and RIDE THE WAVE!!!

1/15/21 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #326 – “It feels like you have forever…you don’t.” (JoCheryl Holcombe)

Last week, as we turned the corner into December, I could see there were four Fridays left in 2020…which had me thinking:

What does this year have to teach us?

And as I said last week, I’m not one for assigning purpose to tragedy…I think we’re fully capable of learning things without losing people, bearing heartache, or watching dreams die.

Still, I do think there are things to be learned in loss. Not because of the loss necessarily…but in spite of it.

2020 is kind of like that. We’ve all had to learn things we didn’t want to learn. Yet learn them we did. And in some cases, we had to RE-LEARN them. Or at least be reminded of them.

Case in point: Another big lesson for me this year was the echo of JoCheryl Holcombe’s words from 2017 following a mass shooting that left EIGHT family members dead (TEN if you include an unborn child and a close family friend) after the Sutherland Springs, Texas shooting on November 5th.

An acquaintance of mine is friends with her and shared her Facebook post from Wednesday, November 15th — the day her town gathered together to celebrate the lives of the Holcombe and Hill families that were killed en masse just ten days before.

You can still see JoCheryl’s public message on FB here.

I couldn’t possibly add anything to that then, or now — except to agree and share it with you.  As you gather together with family this season — if you get to see them in person, or in a drive-by, via Zoom, or a plain old phone call — remember, it may feel like you have forever.

You don’t.  

(But then again, you do!)

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead is once again this quote from JoCheryl Holcombe: “So, when you think of those you love and it feels like you have forever, just remember you don’t, but then again, YOU DO! make this life matter, our soul is the only thing we take with us when we are done…it’s worth tending, it’s worth making meaningful deep connections and living each moment in the fullest most meaningful way. BECAUSE everything can change in a holy instant “
(JoCheryl Holcombe via Facebook — 11/15/17)

Spread Happyness — make your moments matter! (However you get them this season!) 

12/11/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #325 – Find the Yes!

As we turn the corner into December, I can see there are four Fridays left in 2020…which has me thinking:

What does this year have to teach us?

I’m not one for assigning purpose to tragedy…I think we’re fully capable of learning things without losing people, bearing heartache, or watching dreams die.

Still, I do think there are things to be learned in loss. Not because of the loss necessarily…but in spite of it.

2020 is kind of like that. We’ve all had to learn things we didn’t want to learn. Yet learn them we did. But the question remains: will we be better for it?

One big lesson for me this year was “finding the yes.”

In a year full of NO…what we CAN do has become super important. This is not about complacency. Oh no…we should not rest in our yeses. But while we are busy fighting, resisting, protesting, and making our voices heard…life goes on and we need to live out the YES.

• Can’t go to movies? Go to a drive in. 
• Can’t work out at the gym? Take it outside.
• Can’t go out to eat? Order in.
• Can’t gather inside? Take it to the park or patio.

But here in Los Angeles, just as we’re getting kind of getting kind of used to this new normal…we find ourselves restricted again. Which feels like a bit of a blow. After all, we were just getting the hang of it!

Many of us are facing a lot of NOs this holiday season. Lots of nos. It’s crushing. But we can’t settle for it. We can’t take no for an answer. There is a yes there somewhere. And it’s up to us to find it.

• Can’t host the family?  Schedule an outside visit.
• Can’t do an outside visit?  Schedule a drive by.
• Can’t do a drive by?  Send cards, make phone calls, and of course…
• There’s always Zoom. (UGH!!!)

There are tons of ways I’ve seen people turning NOs into YESes.

• Stuck inside?  Declutter.  
• No travel?  Tour your home town! 
• Mall closed?  Shop small.  
• Learn to cook, learn to bake, learn resilience. 

This year has taught us a lot about resilience. Not just the benefits of it…but the importance of it as a learned skill: for survival, for well being, to help ourselves so we can help others. And that’s what’s most important, because for every no we are hearing someone else is hearing it too. And it may be more than they can bear.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Find the Yes! We can’t just all give in to NO. Someone needs to stand up to it. To test its boundaries. To challenge its limits. To find out what it’s really made of. Because sometimes NO does keep us safe from harm…and other times, it’s an opportunity to teach us what we’re really made of. 

Spread Happyness — Find the Yes!!!

12/4/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #324 – Keep Counting! (35 Days of Gratitude Starts Now!)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Holidays!

I almost didn’t want to do this one this year…in fact, that’s why I’m posting late (it’s now Saturday). This is a year that’s had its way with us. We’re all sick of playing games, all sick of pretending it’s some test, all sick of making the most of it, or waiting for it to JUST GO AWAY ALREADY.

It reminds me of the first year after Rob died…it felt like if we just made it through, if we just got it right and grieved the right way, it would somehow all be over. 

It isn’t. 

I, like you, am sick of it. I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m sad, and angry, and confused, and some days exhausted from laying awake at night wondering if and how and when this might end. 

The answer is…we don’t know. Which leaves us with one option:

What do we know?

I think that’s where we’re at this season. Back to April mentality…what do we know?  In some ways we know a lot more: we know our mail is safe and that we don’t need to burn our work clothes each day or strip down to nothing when we get back to the house. We’ve narrowed down which activities seem most dangerous: funerals, weddings, parties, celebrations…all manner of large gatherings in tight spaces.

In other words, holidays. Ugh…holidays. 

2020 has led us right to where we didn’t want to be…at the end of the year, looking to pull close together with those we love most, but being asked to stay apart. 

This year, it might be hard to feel grateful. And at times, it might feel downright silly.

Which is exactly why we shouldn’t stop. There are 35 days left in the year. If you were counting your blessings in November, keep going. If not, now is a great time to start. 

Thanksgiving may be “over”…but there is no reason to let the gratitude stop.  November is known as “Gratitude Month”…but for the past few years I’ve proposed we keep it going. This year should be no different…and it may even be more important.  

And so, I wanted to repeat my challenge once again this year…to you and to myself: to continue giving thanks into December and give ourselves the gift of gratitude this holiday season!

Your Happyness Challenge for the weeks ahead: KEEP COUNTING!  Amid the stress and uncertainty of the season ahead…give YOURSELF the gift of gratitude!  You can print out a PDF of the calendar above…or check out Week #322 for ten fun “Gratitude Game” ideas for how to keep track. However you do it, come New Year’s Eve — you’ll have 35 reminders to celebrate all that is going right and well in your life!  And I will too!

(This idea was born out of my own lack of gratitude four years ago.  You can read about it on Week #115.)

Spread Happyness — Share Freely!  And start counting your blessings today!

11/27/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #322 – Gratitude Games (Ten Easy Ways to Count Your Blessings!)

Well now…that election sure put everything to rest, right?

Not!

If this election has taught us anything, it’s that unrest continues, the world rages, and uncertainty looms…so what’s a Happyness Spreader to do?

Get back to basics. With each other, which I covered last week — and also with ourselves and our families.

And a great place to start…is gratitude. So here’s a repeat of TEN easy ways to get back to basics with gratitude! Don’t wait for the world to fall into just the right place for you to feel grateful…get yourself in a right place first, so that you can fall into someone else’s world!

Gratitude.

There’s been more written than I can recap here about the benefits of gratitude (just Google “benefits of gratitude” and you can read up on it yourself) — but suffice it to say it’s a relatively low-risk endeavor for a potentially high return.  Gratitude is free, it’s accessible to all, and you don’t have to be in a perfect spot to start.

(In fact, being in an imperfect spot might prove the benefits even more.)

You just need to start.

So I thought I’d repeat a few common ways I’ve seen to count blessings — and open up the floor to see if we can expand the list!

Ten Easy Ways to Count Your Blessings this November

1. In the Morning — as soon as you open your eyes (and before you reach for your phone) take a moment to appreciate the air in your lungs, the comfort of your bed, the first light of sun, the warm body (or bodies) next to you, the fact that your coffee just clicked on, or that you have a job to go to (or that it’s the weekend).  You get the idea!
2. In the Evening — once again, when your head hits the pillow (and before you start to scroll), take a moment to reflect back on your day and go over all the things you are grateful for…or, at the very least, that the day is over and you survived!
3. Alone — you can practice gratitude all on your own.  (No one has to know.)
4. Together — you can rope others in: family, children, coworkers, friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or accountability partner.  Make it a group a challenge!
5. Numerical – decide on a fixed number for each day, like one at a time or three a day.
6. Alphabetical — this is my method!  I keep a journal with alphabetized pages where I randomly jot down things that I’m grateful for.  When I’m having a bad day, I can page through the journal quickly to remind myself of all the things that make my heart happy!  And when something occurs to me, it’s easy to find a spot to file it away!
7. Compounding – starting with November 1st, come up with a corresponding number of items for each calendar date (so one on the first, two on the second, three on the third, etc.).  If I added it up correctly, this will result in a total of 465 items on your list!  (Someone, please check my math!)
8. In a Jar — keep a pretty jar or vase with strips of paper handy (on the kitchen counter, in the entry way, or in the living room) where your family can randomly jot down things they are grateful for.  Set a date to empty and read through all the items.
9. On a Tree/Wreath/Garland — likewise, keep sticky cut-outs (you can get these in Michaels) or ribbons or strips of paper near a small indoor tree or wreath and add your thoughts throughout the month. (Or link them together to form a chain.)
10. Through the Mail — set aside thirty blank notecards to jot down one thank you note each day throughout the month!

What about you?  What are your favorite ways to count blessings?  Please share them with me via email (below) or in the comments and I’ll add them to the list!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Play the Gratitude Game!  We’re halfway through November…it’s not too late to start.  Pick an idea and run with it!  Try it for a month and see if it lives up to the hype.  What have you got to lose?  Or if you have an idea you love, please take the time to share it with me!  Nothing Spreads Happyness like a grateful heart!

And while I’m at it, let me just say again…I’m so grateful for YOU!!!

Spread Happyness — share your favorite Gratitude Game in the comments!

11/13/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #321 – Back to Basics: Stay Connected! (Even in conflict!)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Election-Week-Friday to you all!

It feels like everyone, everywhere, is holding their collective breath…waiting for a decision on this week’s election.

It’s all anyone can talk about.

But today I remembered that many of us lived through this in 2000. Long before we had Facebook and Twitter in our pockets…we waited for OVER a month (it was December 13th!) to find out who our next President would be.

And you know what happened in that time? A lot of life!

The word “connect” brought me back to my post on March 27th of this year…just as we were heading into full shutdown. And now here we are…seven months later, and my thoughts are just about the same, especially at this time of conflict:

Posts, tweets, texting and GIF’s might communicate our thoughts…but they don’t CONNECT us. We need to see people, to look at their faces, to hear their voices, and feel their spirit. Our body language, voices, and verbal communication skills are still so important.  

There are many statistics that argue how much of communication is verbal versus physical…I’ll leave that to you to Google this morning. Most agree that more than half of our communication is in body language alone. And even more is in other non-verbal cues.

But we don’t need a study to know that. Anyone who’s ever lived or worked with another human being long enough knows: it’s not always what we say, but HOW we say it — in tone, body posture, and a little eye-roll here and there!

Even in conflict, a soft voice or relaxed body posture lets others know we’re not in it for the fight…we’re in it for the resolution.

Its a good reminder that Happyness isn’t spread by big effort or rocket-science…it’s in the most basic of communication.  And it’s ours for the giving…any time…free of charge.  Especially at a time such as this. We just need to count to four:

1. Wave Big
2. Smile
3. Say Hello Like You Mean It
4. Ask: How are you doing?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: BACK TO BASICS!  It’s very easy to shrink back from others in fear (like in March) or in conflict (like now) — or skip the basics and get right into the issues that are top of mind right now (there are SO MANY just to name ONE!).  😀 While both instincts are certainly valid — they aren’t always the things that connect us.  (And in some cases, they might actually threaten to divide and separate us.)  So as you continue to keep yourself safe AND sane — remember to CONNECT with those you encounter.

Just count to four: smile, wave, say hello, and ask “How are you doing?”

Spread Happyness — Stay Connected!

11/6/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #320 – Election Week Repost: Vote “YES” to Happyness!

This Tuesday brings us another Election Day in the United States, so I thought I’d repeat my annual Election Day post! Because while some decisions come around only once every year (or four years) — there are hundreds (if not thousands) of little decisions that shape us each and every day!

All across the country, people will once again cast votes for Governors, Mayors, representatives, propositions, and yes — even a President this year. Perhaps you support some of these candidates, have stood up against the ones you don’t believe in, or spent a lot of time debating the merits of each!

Can you think of any other decisions you’ve given that much time to? That much opinion? That much research? That much passion? How many “votes” have you cast in that time — for or against all kinds of OTHER decisions in your own life?

A quick internet search returns multiple sources quoting that people make up to 35,000 decisions every day…from when exactly to get out of bed to when to call it quits for the day.  Some sources say that we make over 200 decisions about food alone!

Each decision is a silent vote:
– YES – I will get out of bed.
– NO – I will not hit the snooze bar again.
– YES – I will floss.
– NO – I will not pick at that blemish.
– YES – I will weigh myself.
– NO – I will not check Facebook before I shower.

The list goes on…and it’s easy to see how we can amass THOUSANDS of little decisions in a very short period of time.

Some of these decisions are quite easy — because we’ve already made bigger, pre-set decisions about them so they fall neatly in line:
– YES – I will go to work and be on time
(therefore, I will get up and out of bed and hit the shower immediately).
– YES – I will take care of my physical health (therefore, I will floss every day, leave my face alone, and weigh myself daily).

When you “vote” early and often for the things you truly want in life — temptations, like really wanting to stay in bed, become small and insignificant compared to the big goals of providing for your family, succeeding in your career, or living a happy and productive life.

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Vote “YES” to Happyness!  I know we’ve been PUMMELED with decisions this year. Some will come around once every year (or four years). Others have felt like choosing between life and death or health and safety. And then there are the hundreds (if not thousands) of little decisions that make up EVERY SINGLE DAY of your life.  Add those up — and you have millions of little decisions that shape the course of your year — and your entire lifetime.  So what do you say?  Yay or Nay?

Remember to Vote “YES” to Happyness — one precious decision at a time!

Spread Happyness — and share your thoughts!  How are you saying “YES” to Happyness this year?

10/30/20 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com