Author Archives: Grace Church

Week #81 – To Row or To Float?

Row! (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #81 – To Row or To Float?

It’s been a full week since my move to Los Angeles — and things are starting to settle down.

And by settle down — I mean shaking up. Because with each moment of calm or contentment that washes my way — there is some sort of white water to follow.

Now, I know these aren’t serious problems — but during a time of rapid and drastic change, it’s the little things that can put you over the edge:

The printer breaks.
The cable isn’t working.
The break light comes on…and stays on*.
(*Except when you take the car to the mechanic, of course!)

I can move 3,000 miles away on my own and smile the whole time…but let me forget a password or run into a technical problem, and I completely lose it!

I’d like to say that I Spread Happyness everywhere I went this week — but it’s probably more likely I spread something else! 😉

When thinking about this week’s post — I was feeling like a bit of a fraud. But then as I thought of Rob and springtime…I remembered a photo from a day we spent in Central Park. And the concept of rowing came to mind.

It isn’t because Rob rowed the whole day. No, no…he did not! But that is another story. What struck me was he let others do the work while he thoroughly enjoyed himself! Making jokes, calling to dogs, and mostly just taking it all in. We still got around. Still got where we were going. Still got the boat back on time.

And we all — each in our own way — had a great time!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: To Row or To Float? There are times when the only right thing to do is row, row, row your boat as hard as you can against the current. But if you or someone you know is hitting white water this week…sometimes the best strategy is to drop the oars. It may seem counter intuitive — and I know for many of us it may feel impossible to let go of the controls. But give it a try on a little thing…and see if it isn’t more fun just to float along, enjoy the ride, and arrive at the same outcome anyway!

Happy Spring!!!

Spread Happyness – and tell me, do you prefer to row or float?!

4/1/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #80 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)

“To Life!” (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #80 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)

As many of you know, I spent the last three weeks packing, driving across the country, and moving into my new apartment in Los Angeles.

It was a fast move. And it’s been disorienting to say the least.

What is usually a very grounded time for me…vernal equinox, full moon, end of the first quarter…has been nothing short of tumultuous. In addition to the physical disruption of moving, I have had to grieve the losses of a location, jobs, people, and neighborhood pets I loved — and in the separation from those places and venture into new experiences, re-grieve the loss of my brother all over again.

Every day on our drive across the country there was yet another moment of wanting to text, to call, to share a story, to laugh at some ridiculousness.

And every day we were faced with the enormity of the void. The eternal void.

It was enough to make me want to turn around and go back home. Put everything right back where it was…and stay in the bubble that he left behind. Because as empty as it is — or was — at least it was his!

And as I ventured west, there was an uncomfortable openness. Not just in the physical terrain — which was amazing. But in unanswered questions. Endless scenarios about how this will all play out.

And yet one thing remained the same…I couldn’t go back. I had only one direction to go…and that was absolutely and undeniably forward.

There is an old saying that life is for the living. This is hard for grieving people — because while the resolve is there, it is our nature to want to hold on to the person (or pet or job or house) we lost.

As we enter into Spring — and a whole new quarter — I’m resolved to let go of things. I’ll be starting with physical things as I move in and continue to clean and declutter my new space. But there are emotional and psychological things to purge, as well. And I’ll be working on them, too!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: CELEBRATE SPRING! Whatever dust may have collected over your things, your body, or your being — shake it off this week with some spring cleaning. Open the blinds, open your heart, and open your grip on the things you are clinging to. Try some new things out for size. Shake up your routine. Get out of your comfort zone. Ungrounded can be uncomfortable — but LIFE sometimes needs a little time and space in order for it to take root!

TO LIFE!!! TO LOVE!!! TO HAPPYNESS!!!

Happy Spring!!!

Spread Happyness – share your Spring Cleaning strategies in the comments!

3/25/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #79 – Hidden Treasures

Hidden Treasure (photo credit: DS)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!

As many of you know, we are en route to Los Angeles! This week’s post comes to you from The Music City — Nashville, TN!

There is something very humbling about packing everything you own into one vehicle and hauling it 2,800 miles across the country. It’s been a reckoning of sorts — coming to grips with the amount of stuff I hold on to, cling to, and surround myself with.

And I want to keep it all!

Every item has a story. The story is the memory. The memory is the treasure. But as my partner, Jim, pointed out — if everything is precious, then nothing is precious.

Still, I wanted to bring it all with me…and believe me, if I had another 15-feet of truck, I might have done just that!

But when faced with the limits of a 15-foot truck and just so many square feet of floor space at our new location (no more storage) — I found myself finally giving in to throwing something out or donating something I might still want, simply because I just couldn’t hold on to it any longer.

There’s something about limits that helps you focus on what’s important.

As my awareness of what was worth those precious square feet of truck and apartment sharpened — so did my resolve to unload a few more items here and there. And then a funny thing happened: as I started sorting — hidden treasures started to appear!

The keepers became very obvious — like this photo! I knew I had a picture of Rob on the jet skis. I had looked for it many times — but couldn’t find it. It was one of my favorites — and it’s been hidden in a storage box for 8 years!

Now I can share it with you!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Find your hidden treasures! Remember, if everything is precious, then nothing is precious. Are your precious things tucked away — or are they on display? If the item has a story, and the story is a memory, then the memory is the treasure. Don’t hide it away — put it on display, and share your memories with others!

Spread Happyness — and share your hidden treasures today!

3/18/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #78 – “Forever Young!”

“Forever Young!” (photo credit: Grace Church)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!

Today is my birthday! Most girls get gifts like perfume or jewelry or clothes — I get a moving truck!

My partner, James, has accepted a position in Los Angeles — so we are on the road again! We took our first trip across the country right after college. Since then we’ve lived in Los Angeles, New York, and the Jersey Shore — now we’re headed back to where it all began, all those years ago.

It’s overwhelming. Packing, moving, decluttering, wondering if it’s the right thing to do.

And when I look at that big travel loop — from New Jersey to LA and back — and consider the mileage and the costs and all the aggravation — it’s easy to wonder if we should have just stayed in LA in the first place. Wouldn’t that have been easier? Wouldn’t we be further ahead right now?

It’s easy to second-guess each and every move based on data alone.

But you know what that loop doesn’t represent? It took my very best friend to remind me: that loop doesn’t represent the 15+ years I had here on the East Coast. 15+ years with my brother, as adults, skiing and surfing and spending time together nearly every weekend. (And my parents and siblings, too!)

15+ years that all the moving costs and mileage and aggravation just can’t measure up to.

Not in a million!

So as I grow one year older today, and set out on a new adventure this week, I’m grateful for all that precious and irreplaceable time we had with him — and I’m reminded that he remains, “Forever Young.”

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: If you or someone you know are second-guessing yourself this week, please give yourself a break. Regret makes us old and cranky! Exercise some spring cleaning, declutter your life, forgive yourself, forgive others, set a new goal, and bloom where you are planted! Stay young — another season is right around the corner!

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.” (Henry David Thoreau, Walden)

Spread Happyness — and share your thoughts on in the comments!

3/11/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #77 – One year, six months: “Ride the wave!”

“Ride the Wave” (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #77 – One year, six months: “Ride the wave!”

Tomorrow, March 5th, will be the one-year and six-month anniversary of Rob’s passing. I’m still learning a lot about grief…and yes, I’m finding it still comes in waves.

A dear friend had to remind me of my own advice this week. When faced with a big decision, she reminded me to “Ride the wave.” And so, I repeat this post from Week #25 — because I needed to hear it again, so maybe someone else does too!

“Ride the wave” became a sort of mantra during Rob’s funeral. I had written it on the back of his car in window chalk…because it was the last thing I said to him. He was fighting so hard. And having no words, no answers, no nothing for this perfectly healthy and beautiful young man with everything to live for…the only thing that came to mind was a surfing analogy.

But the words are not mine. They are wise words that came to us from an experienced screenwriter friend as we were riding the rapidly changing highs and lows of our first script going out to market. Our friend is a surfer too, and it was a language we immediately understood: you can’t control the outcome, just the effort. Skills, preparation, determination, focus…those were all on us. After that, just “ride the wave” the furthest and best you can.

It became a mantra for us when facing difficulties or challenges: “just ride the wave.”

Surfing was a language that Rob understood, too — and it can teach you a lot about life. You don’t just run out and jump in hoping for the best. There’s a lot to learn before you get that first ride — and there’s a lot more practice after that in order to do it even moderately well. Like most things Rob picked up, he took to it almost immediately — and enjoyed it immensely. And his happiness became our happiness, too! (You can ride waves of happiness, too!)

Are you — or someone you know — facing a wave right now?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Like the waves of the ocean, we can’t always control the conditions in our lives. You can try to go over them, under them, around them…or get knocked down by them. Or you can RIDE THE WAVE. With a little practice and preparation…you can be ready to paddle in when the wave comes to you. Perfect conditions or not…we can only control our responses. The enjoyment and fulfillment is in the ride itself! (And it’s helpful to remember that wipe-outs are legendary, too!)

Whatever you’re facing…you’ve got this! Paddle in, pop up, and ride that wave!

Spread Happyness — share your thoughts in the comments. And RIDE THE WAVE!!!

3/4/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #76 – Lose someone? Tell me…”What was he/she like?”

Good times. (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #76 – Lose someone? Tell me…”What was he/she like?”

Greetings All — and Happy Friday!

I had the chance to watch the movie ST. VINCENT with Bill Murray this week. And this exchange stood out to me:

Oliver: “Sorry, Vin, for your loss.”
Vincent: “Never understand why people say that.”
Oliver: “They don’t know what else to say.”
Vincent: “How about, What was she like? Do you miss her? Or, What are you gonna do now?”

“What was she (or he) like?”

On Monday we had dinner with some people we haven’t seen in person in a few years. Inevitably the question comes up: what have you been up to? Inevitably, we fill in the events of the last year or so. Inevitably, people are sorry for our loss.

But this time…the young man at the table asked me a question:

How do you do it? How do you keep someone’s memory alive?

So I told him about the blog: how it started, what I set out to do, where it’s headed. I was honest with him…I wasn’t sure who was reading it, if anyone, or for how much longer.

“Just write. Write for yourself. To remember him.”

And it struck me that that was true. So this week…I bring you a photo of Rob at a family wedding. It was a fun wedding…a true celebration…with an awesome cocktail hour and dancing all night long. There are endless stories to tell from this wedding…most notably of Rob getting his butt pinched by another male attendee!!! To him…it remained a compliment of the highest order! And we laughed about it many times since. A single moment…a most precious memory. A shocking good time was had by all!!!

Your Challenge for the Week Ahead: “What was he/she like?” Chances are you’ll encounter someone this week who has suffered a loss. Our first instinct (and mine too, believe me!) is to apologize…to say we are sorry. And we are…but maybe we can go further. Ask a follow-up question: What was he/she like? Were you close? Do you miss him/her? (I’m sure there are others.) I often hear people say, I’m sorry to ask about him. And my immediate reply is always the same: don’t be sorry…I love to talk about him!

Remember your loved ones…and help someone this week remember theirs!

Spread Happyness – have you lost someone dear? Tell me: “What was he/she like?”

2/26/16 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #75 – Rough Road? (Take a closer look!)

“Rough Road?” (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #75 – Rough Road? (Take a closer look!)

Greetings All — and Happy Friday!

I saw this road sign last week and just had to talk about it! To all my friends in areas battling winter storm after storm — it just doesn’t look too rough, does it?!

But despite the blue sky and palm trees, something’s just not right.

It’s the same with people.

It’s easy to assume a smiling face, sunny demeanor, or happy exterior means that life is nothing but smooth sailing. After all, smiling comes easy when everything’s going your way!

Right?

Not so. There are people whose bodies reflexively smile in conflict — and pain. Whose toothy grins are an ancient defense mechanism designed to assert power — or plead for help.

We don’t know until we take a closer look. Something might just not be right.

Your Challenge for the Week Ahead: Take a closer look! We all have those people in our lives who WE count on for a friendly smile. Don’t take them for granted — take a closer look! Ask them how they are doing, how things are going, or what they are up to. And if they are smiling out of genuine pleasure — then bask in it! But if they are smiling out of pain or conflict — then encourage them, support them, and maybe this time…be the one who smiles back!

Makes you wish we all had a road sign, hmm?

Spread Happyness – Take a closer look! And tell us what you see in the comments!

Week #74 – “I believe in you!” (Encourage someone today!)

Used with permission. (Scott Cuzzo/SpryMind)

Week #74 – “I believe in you!” (Encourage someone today!)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!

I hope you all enjoyed a “Rob Church Kinda Day” yesterday!

As some of you know, Spread Happyness was featured in a coloring book recently! I interviewed Scott Cuzzo of SpryMind back in November as part of my “Happyness in Action” series. Scott spreads happiness by creating coloring books that are good for adults of all ages and genders. His most recent release, “Believe!”, features over two-dozen positive quotes and thoughts on the word “Believe” — including one from yours truly!

I’ve been traveling this month — and away from home and work routines. Stripped of the things that keep me focused, busy, on purpose, and pleasantly distracted — I’m left with an abundance of time to be out in the world, and honestly, it just makes me miss Rob more!

It’s enough to make me want to get back on a plane and head home — sometimes!

But I make myself stay…reminded as I was in October that if I can sit with it long enough, there is presence in the absence. That in every new experience, every painful reminder that he is gone for good, when I cannot text him or call, cannot share the latest laugh or ridiculousness or Super Bowl commentary — that my relationship with him somehow continues to grow.

It is a rock and a hard place. Which reminds me of the coloring page that Scott drew for my quote, and my own interpretation of his drawing. To me it’s a rock — buried in a pile of other rocks — perhaps looking for a way out, or a way to the top, or encouraging another rock to do what seems impossible: BELIEVE!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: BELIEVE IN SOMEONE!!! Rob loved to encourage people. Even if he didn’t always believe in himself — he always took time to believe in others! If you know someone who’s between a rock and a hard place — take time to say “I believe in you!” Send them a note, share this page, or sit down and color with them while they sort it all out!

And if it’s you that’s feeling discouraged this week…then this post is for you! “I believe in you!”

Spread Happyness…Encourage someone today! And share your stories in the comments!

(To learn more about Scott Cuzzo: visit him on Facebook (facebook.com/sprymind), browse his coloring books on Amazon, or contact him directly at scott@sprymind.com.)

February 11th – Happy Birthday, Runt!

(Photo credit: Courtesy of Gina Buongiorno)

[Today’s message was a very special guest post from the people who knew Rob first — and worth repeating, because I couldn’t have said it better myself!]

February 11th – Happy Birthday, Runt!

WE MISS YOU!!!

Love,
Mom and Dad

Week #73 – Happy February! “Have a Rob Church Kinda Day!”

“Happy February!” (photo credit: Granny Church)

[Editor’s note: this week’s post contains material from Week #21. It’s Rob’s birthday week — and it will always be worth repeating: Have a Rob Church Kinda Day!]

Week #73 – Happy February! “Have a Rob Church Kinda Day!”

This Thursday, February 11th is Rob’s birthday. He would have been 42. And you know what he would’ve done?

Whatever he damn well pleased!

I’ve celebrated a lot of birthdays alongside my brother…and there are two things I still know for sure: He always took the day off from work…and he always did exactly what he wanted to do! That didn’t always include seeing family, either. Some birthdays he spent with other people. Some he spent by himself. But on that day above all others…he did whatever made him happy. And that made those of us who knew and loved him happy, too!

For a lot of people, birthdays are a harsh reminder of getting older, losing steam, or giving up on dreams. Not Rob…on his 40th birthday in 2014 he was running windsprints at the track and told me he felt in the best shape of his life. Over and over again, he said he was looking forward to his 40’s.

What a kick in the teeth.

Are you still alive? Still breathing? Well this week’s assignment is for you (and me too)!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: HAVE A ROB CHURCH KINDA DAY! If you could do whatever you damn well pleased…what would it be? Make a list, start a vision board, or fill a jar with ideas to draw at random. Then, on Thursday, February 11th…have a “Rob Church Kinda Day!” You may not be able to take the entire day off…but set aside time to practice identifying (and doing) something ONLY for you! Something that makes YOU happy. Something that lets you hear Rob’s voice — or someone else who you know and love — saying “Good for you!”

With family, work, kids, parents, pets, jobs, PTA, churches, charities, and bills to pay…it’s easy to get lost in doing for others. If you are waiting for the world to give you permission to take time for yourself…get comfortable! Take permission instead…and practice doing ONE THING that pleases YOU this week!

Spread Happyness…Have a “Rob Church Kinda Day!” And share your stories in the comments!

Welcome to SpreadHappyness.com!

Created in honor of Robert Church, Jr. (Feb. 11, 1974 – Sep. 5, 2014) — because cancer isn't the only thing can spread. Happyness can too!

Author Archives: Grace Church

Week #81 – To Row or To Float?

Week #80 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)

Week #79 – Hidden Treasures

Week #78 – “Forever Young!”

Week #77 – One year, six months: “Ride the wave!”

Week #76 – Lose someone? Tell me…”What was he/she like?”

Week #75 – Rough Road? (Take a closer look!)

Week #74 – “I believe in you!” (Encourage someone today!)

February 11th – Happy Birthday, Runt!

Week #73 – Happy February! “Have a Rob Church Kinda Day!”