“Clear the deck!” (Grace Church)

Week #140 – Clear the deck!  (Summer’s coming!)

Memorial Day is NEXT weekend!!!  And while I may be living in the land of eternal sunshine (which, by the way, is not all it’s cracked up to be) — most of my friends back east are heading into summer.  And for many of you, it’s the BEST season of the year!

One of the things I miss most about New York/New Jersey is the weather.  Four clearly cut quarters of the year with distinctly different seasons always served as a great reminder of the swiftness of time passing, and the importance of capturing the moments right in front of you.

And when tomorrow may not be beautiful…again…there is a sense of urgency to grab it while it’s there.  To make the most of it.  To squeeze the life out of it.

To eat the ice cream on your plate.

And the best way to do this…is without guilt!

I know this…because I’ve spent a lot of time taking care of to-dos when I should have been out enjoying myself.  And I’ve tried to enjoy myself when I know I should be taking care of other things.  It’s a delicate balance.

You can’t be in the moment if you’re still catching up on spring cleaning, taxes, or putting that Christmas stuff away (come on…I know there is one of you out there that still has a tree up!).  So make a list…check it twice…and get some of that old stuff done and put away in time for Summer 2017!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Clear the deck!”  I know many of you (both parents and students) are WORN OUT from the school year and looking forward to coasting for a bit.  Give yourself one more good push!  Sit down and brainstorm a quick list of things you want to get done before summer sets in.  What do you want done?  Out of the way?  Finished?  Completed?  Think about what it would look like to be able to sit out on your deck and watch the grass grow, to take that spontaneous day trip to the beach, to huddle the kids together and enjoy that thunderstorm — all without the guilt of thinking “I should probably be doing (fill in the blank) right now.”  Life is precious.  Time is short.  We never know what the next season of our lives will bring.  Check some things off the list this week…and make space to enjoy the Summer of 2017!

“Live each season as it passes…” (Henry David Thoreau)

Spread Happyness — share your thoughts in the comments!

5/19/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

“Take care of yourself!” (by Grace Church)

Week #139 – “Take care of yourself!” (Especially on Mother’s Day)

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 14th!  Last week, I re-posted what over 50 REAL MOMS said they REALLY wanted on Mother’s Day (and it wasn’t always reservations).  If you haven’t made plans yet, don’t panic!   Read this first for a list of ideas that you can’t find in a store or restaurant!

This week, I’m re-posting again — because for many women, Mother’s Day is not a happy day.  For some women…it is a day of mixed emotions.  And if this is you…please read on, and know you are not alone!

Mother’s Day and Mixed Emotions

Many of the women I exchanged ideas with reported feeling mixed emotions on Mother’s Day.  Issues of infertility or infant death, the loss of parents or children at any age, disconnection from living parents or children, disagreements among family members, decline of elderly parents, or disappointments in childhood or childrearing — they all come front and center on a day when it seems like “everyone” else is out celebrating with their perfect and loving families.

If you feel this way, please know you are not alone.

There are many articles circulating about what to do when you can’t, won’t, or don’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day.  The bottom line is this…and it’s in my own mother’s words:

“Take care of yourself.”

These are tough words to hear when you feel victimized, bitter, or powerless.  They’re more like a bed of nails than a soft place to fall — trust me, I know.  But they are true.

Because if you won’t take care of you…then who else will?

As I said last week, many women reported mixed feelings on Mother’s Day.  Their advice?  Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends, the company of like-minded people, or in the things that you really want for yourself and your future!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Take care of yourself!”  Mother’s Day is a great day to remind each of us that “mothering” is an age-old practice.  And while one woman may be have brought you into this world (and maybe even another brought you up)…all that she taught you, good and bad, instructs how you carry and deliver yourself your entire life!  If Mother’s Day is a struggle for you — do what you need to do to take care of yourself this year!  

And take care of others, too — because everyone needs a mom sometime!

Spread Happyness — share your thoughts in the comments!

[This post originally appeared on Week #86.]

5/12/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

“What’s on your menu” (by Grace Church)

Week #138 – Mother’s Day is May 14th! (Read this before making reservations!)

May is here — and I wanted to take a moment to repeat my little public service announcement from Week #85 — and remind those of you who are celebrating Mother’s Day this year:

PLAN AHEAD!

But before you pick up the phone to make a reservation, take a moment to think about what the ladies in your life REALLY want.

And I’m not talking about jewelry or clothes, purses or perfume.

I polled over 50 ladies in the week prior to my original post, and asked them:

What do you REALLY want but are afraid to ask for?

The answers may or may not have be surprising — but one thing is for sure: very few of them can be purchased at the mall or served in a restaurant.

Mother’s Day is one of the most stressful days of the year in restaurants.  It is NOT a good day to make last minute plans or take your party of nine to try a new place.  If the lady in your life LOVES to dine out, and everyone is up for behaving, being on time, and figuring out the bill without her help — then by all means make your reservations now!  (But if that’s the case, you’ve probably already done that!)

If not, take heart — and listen to what REAL MOMS told me they REALLY want on Mother’s Day:

For Starters
– Extra Sleep: this may mean sleeping in, a nap during the day, or an undisputed and early lights-out.  Most of all — moms want sleep!
– Time Alone: moms have a difficult time asking for this because they love their families — but next to extra sleep, all moms expressed some desire for time alone to read, watch TV, swing in a hammock, putter in the garden, work on a project, or just finish their morning cup of coffee.  From just a few extra minutes of solitude to 48 hours away from home — moms want a little time that’s all their own!
– Peace & Quiet: over and over again, moms longed for a day of no fighting, fussing, stress, or strife.  This is a good day for kids to practice their best behavior (dads too!).

The Main Course
– Spa Service/Pampering: Meals are big part of any occasion — but most moms I polled want some sort of pampering.  A massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, or full service — ladies love to be pampered.  (Just be sure to find out her favorite places — or get a recommendation from a friend!)
– Special Dinner at Home: While some do want to go out, most moms said they’d prefer to eat a meal at home — they just don’t want to be responsible for planning, preparing, and cleaning up after it!  If you decide to treat mom to a home-cooked feast — just be sure you are prepared to take care of everything (or maybe just order out)!  Cleaning up someone else’s mess is not a gift!  😉
– Time with Family: I know, I know — moms said they wanted time alone, right?  Well, they also want time with their families.  Just gathering everyone under one roof, for one day, could make your mom’s year!  (Oh — and maybe ONE good picture of everyone!)
– Gardening & Yard Supplies/Help: Several moms mentioned gardening and yard supplies, and a little help getting things done!  One of the most entertaining accounts was of a family that gathered to weed and plant while the mom sat in a chair and gave instructions!
– Stuff: A hammock, flowers, something pretty, something tasty, a movie night, or a scuba diving excursion — there is still a desire for presents, but not always the ones you’d expect!  (Don’t be afraid to ask!)

SWEET STUFF
– Handmade Cards/Projects from Kids: Above all, moms cherish those little creations made by tiny hands!  Engage the kids in a project for mom (preferably while they are out of the house so mom can read, sleep, pamper, putter, or binge watch her favorite show!)
– Loving Note from Husband/Significant Other: Several moms mentioned that they love to hear from their husbands/partners on Mother’s Day.  Just a few words of acknowledgment and appreciation go a long way (but not always all the way…so no strings attached guys, okay?).
– A Simple Thank You: Two words that mean more than anything money can buy!

EXTRAS:  It’s hard to make a list of things NOT to do — but over and over again, moms expressed the desire for a day that included:
– No Chores (ideally done for her, not left for Monday morning!)
– No Decisions (mom might like someone else to take the reigns today)
– No Requests (a day without question marks would be delightful)
– No Fighting (for one day, please!  You can do this!)

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Mother’s Day is May 14th!  Do you know what the mom in your life REALLY wants?  Use this list to jump start the conversation!  Present her with a menu of options and have her circle her favorites.  You might even be able to multi-task to make sure she gets a little of everything she wants throughout the day.  The most important thing is to PLAN AHEAD!  Whatever she wants — don’t leave it to the last minute.  And if it is reservations — please make them now (and be sure to take care of your server, chances are it’s their Mother’s Day too.)

Above all: Remember that Mother’s Day is available every day — not just once a year!

[A big THANK YOU once again to all the Dreamers & Builders who took the time to respond to my poll last year — and whose honest sharing made this post possible!]

Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD!  And share your Mother’s Day ideas in the comments!

PS: I realize that for some, Mother’s Day is not always the happiest of holidays.  Death, disagreements, disconnection, or decline can bring about mixed emotions.  If this is you, you are not alone.  Many women reported similar feelings.  Their advice?  Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends, the company of like-minded people, or in the things that you really want for yourself!

[This post originally appeared on Week #85.]

5/5/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

“Mmmm…coffeee.” (photo and capuccino by Grace Church)

Week #137 – “Grab a coffee!”

I have to be honest…I don’t socialize much.

It’s not because I don’t want to.  Between odd working hours, night-owl status, and the love of quiet time — I just don’t get out during the day a whole lot.

And…I’m not too good at it.

Which means I don’t do lunch, coffee, or even happy hour nearly as often as I should!

But this week…someone invited me to coffee.  And despite every cell of my being wanting to run home to the next project on my to-do list, I accepted.

And you know what?  It was really nice!

Ever notice how really hard it is to make friends as an adult?  Everyone is so busy with kids, work, husbands, wives, elderly parents, or soccer/baseball weekends.  It leaves very little time for adults to get to know each other.

I don’t even have kids and this is true for me.  Many of my adult friends have been made through work.  Sweating and stressing side-by-side has a way of bonding people!  (You also have the added bonus of learning about people’s character before you venture into social engagement with them!)

Meeting up with an (almost) complete stranger to “grab a coffee” was a challenge.  Would I be interesting or funny enough?  Would it get too heavy?  Would I talk too much?  Not enough?  Would I ask the right questions?  Would we have to talk politics?  To be honest…it was uncomfortable.

Which is exactly why I did it!

I work with strangers every day…and have no trouble talking to the random guy on the train, the lady at the grocery store, even getting critical notes on my work.  But to sit down and have a conversation just for the hell of it?  That’s a whole different thing!

But I’m so glad I did!

Swapping stories with someone about who we are, what we do, how we got here, what we’re working on, and where we’re going — it helped shake up my own perspective.  Not just of myself — but others.  To spend time listening, engaging, asking questions, and sharing experiences — it not only connected me to another person, it re-connected me to myself.

And that might be the most important coffee date of all!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Grab a coffee!”  Find someone this week that you’d like to get to know better — and grab a coffee!  It could be a coworker, a neighbor, another parent from school, or a seat mate on your commute home.  Yes, it might be awkward…but give it a try!  Set a time limit, have some place to go, or only so-much-money in the meter…but don’t back out!

Your invitation, just like mine, might be the only one that person receives in a long time!

Spread Happyness — grab a coffee (or a Jamba Juice as it turned out)!  And share your stories in the comments!

4/28/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #136 – Repost: “All I need is a pair of wheels…”

Today marks the third anniversary of the initial x-ray that set this whole thing off.

It’s a heavy day.  And for some reason, I’m reminded of the simple joys of my daily bike ride — and a post I wrote last year on Week #83 about my new bike!

So here it is!  (And for the record, I’m still unpacking…and I still sometimes forget that Rob is gone!)

Week #83 (4/15/16):

Still unpacking…but we’re getting into the good stuff!  (I unearthed my 8th grade photo album yesterday!  No one is safe!)

There’s two major excavation projects going on here:

1. There is the moving and unpacking of the “current” stuff — that’s the stuff I’ve been living with in my apartment for the past 8 years.
2. And then there is the unpacking of the “storage” stuff — that’s the stuff that’s been in storage for more years than I care to calculate.  Some goes back to college.  Some — as I mentioned — goes back to 8th grade!

No wonder I am waking up disoriented!  I barely know what city I’m in — let alone what decade!

The crazy thing is…through it all, I sometimes forget that Rob is gone.  Like gone…for good.  I swear there are days when I’m certain I could call him and he would pick up his phone.  The distance — or perhaps the disruption in location — has allowed me to reconnect to him in an entirely new and unexpected way.

And while I’m supposed to be purging things…I have added a few items.  Most recently, I bought myself a bike.  I’ve had lots of different commutes in my lifetime — anywhere from 15 minutes to 2.5 hours.  I’ve walked across town, driven the freeway, rode the train, taken the subway, and sat in a bus on Route 3.  But never have I used a bike…until now!

It was the last place I expected my brother to show up!

There’s something about being on a bicycle that takes you back to when you were a kid.  That first taste of freedom.  The ability to get anywhere, faster.  Down the street, through the woods, or maybe even the next town over.  As soon as we were able — we rode our bikes.  EVERYWHERE!  (As long as we were home by dark!)

And while Rob never rode a bike up Ventura Boulevard with me — I remember him, and all the neighborhood gang, with each and every push of the pedals.  “All I need is a pair of wheels!”

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “All I need is a pair of wheels!”  Do you have memories of riding your bike when you were a kid?  When was the last time you were on one?  Believe me, it’s true what they say: you don’t forget.  In fact, you may remember more than you think!  Now…don’t just jump on and go riding into traffic if you haven’t been on one in a while!  But if you have an opportunity…jump on a bicycle this week.  And see where the memories take you!

Spread Happyness — share your stories in the comments!

4/21/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #135 – TO LIFE!  (What are you looking forward to this Spring?)

Happy holiday week to all!  (No matter what you are celebrating — it’s good to remember that new beginnings are non-denominational!)

Easter is a strange time for me — it’s the first time I remember Rob texting me to tell me that he wasn’t feeling well.  That he was going to see the doctor.  And it wasn’t too soon after that that he had the x-ray, and then was admitted to Sloan.

The dates are noted on my calendar…each one a stepping stone to the end that I know now.  In a little over four months, he’d be gone.

Some people tell me to forget those dates.  To live in the present.

I choose to keep them, as a reminder to LIVE.  Period.

Time passes quickly.  And I don’t know about you, but my calendar is already filling up with important dates in April, May, June, and July.  Easter, Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, proms, graduations, class trips, Father’s Day, Fourth of July…

It’ll be Summer before we know it!

I wrote about this at the beginning of this year…it’s well-documented that planning ahead is directly related to happiness.  There’s less than 10 weeks left of Spring 2017.  Don’t let it pass you by!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead:  While you have everyone together for Passover or Easter this week, why not get together and talk about all you are looking forward to this Spring?  What would you like to do (or get done) before summer vacations, breaks, activities, and visitors take over your calendar?  Finally — and most important — how are you going to CELEBRATE all that you’ve achieved and experienced so far this year?

“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”  (Henry David Thoreau, Walden)

Happy Passover!  Happy Easter!  Happy New Beginnings to each and every one of you!!!

Spread Happyness — and make the most of Spring 2017!!!

4/14/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Halloween 2008 (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #132 – “We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!” (In memory of Cindy Tedesco)

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

This week’s post comes on the heels of yet another loss: a family friend — and friend to SO MANY others — Cindy Tedesco, passed away on Thursday after a nearly 5-year battle with Ovarian Cancer.

She was young.  Too young.

As Cindy’s Facebook page filled with condolences, I was reminded of a blog post she wrote in March of 2015 that was published on the ihadcancer.com website.  (You can read Cindy’s post in its entirety here.)

Cindy was so proud to write and share her story — and I was so happy for her when it was chosen.  When I shared her post on Facebook the day it published — I wrote that Cindy was a true warrior.  Not simply because she survived — but that she chose to THRIVE.

One of the things I most appreciated about Cindy was her honesty about her battle.  She shared openly about the highs, the lows, the anxiety, the grief.  But she also shared her joy and exuberance for life.  The day-to-day moments that made her life precious: meals with her husband, time with her cat, days at the beach, new haircuts and shoes, painted nails and toes, afternoons at her pool, and emojis!  Oh…the emojis!  Cindy left no stone unturned.

Perhaps because she knew there was no time.

Cindy‘s last line in her post sums it up perfectly:
“We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!”

Cindy dedicated her post to her husband, Anthony Tedesco.  Caregivers are a special breed indeed — and my thoughts and prayers goes out to him in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Chose to THRIVE!  This is trite — but life is not a dress rehearsal.  You are on a stage all your own.  Step out.  Share honestly.  Spend time doing the things you love, the things that make you laugh, the things you want to be remembered for.  Our time is short…sometimes shorter than we imagine it will be.  Chose to THRIVE!

Thank you, Cindy, for sharing your life openly and honestly with all who were lucky to know you.  And to Cindy’s family, friends, loved ones, coworkers, and Teal Sisters — my deepest condolences to you all.  There are some losses we never get over…we just have to go on, broken-hearted as we are, and live as they would want us to — fully.

Spread Happyness — remember Cindy, tell YOUR story, and chose to THRIVE!

3/24/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

(Cindy’s post is referenced with permission — and originally appeared on IHadCancer.com.)

Week #131 – Out with the old!  (What are you holding on to?)

Greetings, All — and Happy Friday!

While some of you may still be buried in snow, Spring is right around the corner…literally!  The Vernal Equinox will occur this Monday at 6:28 a.m. ET!

Like most people, I’ve been getting a head start on my Spring Cleaning.  Well, it’s really more of an ongoing project.  As many of you know, I hold on to things.  Which means “decluttering” is a routine item on my to-do list.

Since I do have trouble parting with things, I try to make a game out of it.  I gather like items together (Konmari Method) so that I can “see” what I really have.  I count items as I toss them (Clutter Free Method).  I set timers (I can FLY!).  I even made a game out of my cross-country move last year, calling it “The Year of the Purge” and swearing that by this time, next year, I’d be “move-out ready” — surrounded only by things I want, need, and love.

Well, I’m definitely “move-out ready” — because a lot of my stuff is still unpacked!

And in a way, that’s a good thing — because while I do enjoy a good cleaning and decluttering session, I’ve been trying to enjoy my life also.  There’s been a lot of new things to see, do, and experience.  And I want to make sure I don’t miss it!

And so, I am reminded of a post I wrote in April 2015 (Week #27) — I recalled a phrase that Rob used to say to me: “Let the balloon go, Grace.”  He was talking about worry (and sometimes needling me about my stuff) — but it has taken on a new meaning now as I look around at the things I’ve held on to, and the time (either now or later) that it will take to “do something” about it.  Even if that means ultimately just throwing it away.

Do you have things that you are holding on to that might be holding you back?  Is it emotional clutter — like anger, resentment, grief, loss, a mistake, a regret, a secret, or simply a missed opportunity you are punishing yourself over?  Or maybe it’s physical things that are standing in your way?  Or a toxic relationship that is stealing your joy?  

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: OUT WITH THE OLD! What better time than the first days of Spring to open up space for new possibilities?!  This weekend — find a release ritual to help you “let those balloons go” and open your hands to what’s possible.  Here are some ideas:

(But whatever you do PLEASE DO NOT release real balloons into the air…they are only a metaphor!  And otherwise very bad for the environment!)

• Write it down – then burn it (safely please!), flush it, float it out to sea, send it down a river, sink it in a lake, or bury it in your garden.  Write your NEW intention on a fresh piece of paper and keep it front and center as something for you to build on, rather than something that tears you down.
• Throw/Give it away – I’ve been decluttering my space and it’s been helpful to keep a tally of how many items I’ve thrown away, and in some instances even take photos of those items (and share them only with the closest of friends or small group).
• Love it — enough to let it go!  Sometimes the last thing we need to do to release something is to love it, to accept it, to acknowledge its importance, and to be honest about its role in our future.

They say to love something is to set it free.  I remind myself of this over and over as I sometimes grasp too tightly to the memory of my brother, afraid I might lose him forever.  He would never want me to do that.  I know full well I must open my hands so that they are free to do my best work: the work ahead of me.  The work of Happyness!

What “balloons” do you need to let go of this week so that your hands are free to do YOUR best work?

Spread Happyness — “Let those balloons go!”  And share your Release Rituals in the comments!

3/17/17 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com