Week #240 – Seek Beauty in Ashes

In one week — we’ve experienced a career comeback like no other, a devastating fire, and are poised to celebrate two religious holidays that are rooted in the concepts of freedom and new life.

In each case, everything seemed hopeless. Tiger was too old, Notre Dame too far gone, and bible stories…well, they’re impossible (right?).

And yet, each persisted. Tiger pressed on. Notre Dame will be rebuilt. And the traditions of Passover and Easter survive thousands of years later.

There is something persistent about HOPE.

Don’t get me wrong…I’ve experienced total loss. I watched a perfectly healthy human being become perfectly dead in no time at all. I’ve seen first-hand the devastation of hurricanes at the Jersey Shore. And I lived in Manhattan during 9/11.

Even now, as I write this, I teeter three stories high in the middle of earthquake country.

The potential for loss is always available to us…and yet, there is something in us that reaches for hope in the face of it Each and every time.

Take stock in your losses, whatever they may be. Big or small — honor and grieve them. And then, when the time is right, straighten your shoulders and set your sights on finding the beauty in the ashes.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Seek beauty in ashes! Whatever setbacks, disappointments, or less-than-ideal circumstances come your way this week — practice cultivating an attitude of possibility about the outcome. One way to do this is to take time to process the setback (also called a post-mortem) — or to ask yourself what the best possible outcome might be, or what gift might be buried in the rubble. In some cases, it may be too soon to ask these questions or play these games — but practicing with small stuff now makes it more likely these thoughts will be accessible when you (or someone you know) needs them the most.

SpreadHappyness — Seek Beauty in Ashes this week!

4/19/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #239 – “Honor and Remember…”  (Who can you remember this week?)

As April unfolds…we, as a family, are faced with many of the memories and dates that correlate to Rob’s initial diagnosis and first admittance to Sloan.

But I’m also reminded of the kindnesses we received…and the celebration of Life that is April in general!

One of those kindnesses I mentioned in Week #31. A former Sunday school friend contacted me to let me know she had donated Easter flowers to her church to decorate the sanctuary for Easter Sunday.  She included a photo of the bulletin where Rob’s name was listed — and she wrote to me, “just my way of honoring & remembering your brother this Easter…”

It was one of the most beautiful and reassuring things I’ve received.  I hadn’t asked her to do it or made a plea or mentioned it would be nice — she just remembered him, acted on it, and shared it with me.  It brought me such comfort to know that we are not alone in our remembering…others are remembering too.

So, what’s the importance of “Remembering?”

Grief or trauma or loss or tragedy can leave individuals in very lonely places.  To have someone just acknowledge the gap can mean so much.  It has me thinking about ways I can do better…remembering the silent scars of others, celebrating a life, sharing a memory, or contributing to a donation or memorial.  To let someone else know that they are not alone…that I was there.  That I remember, too.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: “Honor & Remember” someone or something this week!  Make a donation, plant a tree, buy a booster for your local athletic team or drama club, leave a note, place a stone, or send a card.  Take action in the name of someone or something else…then SpreadHappyness and let someone know about it!  Let someone know they are not alone…that you were there, you saw it, experienced it, and remember it…too!

SpreadHappyness — Honor and Remember someone this week!  

4/12/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #238 – Catch someone doing something RIGHT! (File a compliment!)

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

I was reminded this week of how nice it is when someone takes the time to catch you doing something right (instead of wrong)…and reminded me of my post from Week #194:

In some industries complaints are just the default setting.  Customers often feel encouraged to grouse in order to “get something for free” — or entitled to something extra when things don’t perfectly go their way — or they just want to complain to complain.  We’ve all been on one end or the other.

But how often do we take time to write a thank you note, pay a compliment, or publicly praise someone for doing the right thing?

Social media has made it easier than ever to complain about bad service or call out individuals/companies that let us down.

The things is…it’s just as easy nowadays to say something positive!  🙂

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Catch someone doing something RIGHT! Has someone delivered for you?  Did they come through in a pinch, perform with flying colors, or go above and beyond to make sure you had a good experience?  Better yet, have you had to stand by and witness someone handle a difficult situation with grace and ease? If so, call them out on their GOOD BEHAVIOR…and file a COMPLIMENT!

(And businesses/employers…if you receive compliments, be sure to share them with your staff just a readily as you would a complaint.  It doesn’t hurt to reward your top performers, either!)

Spread Happyness — file a COMPLIMENT this week!

4/5/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #237 – “We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!” (An annual remembrance of Cindy Tedesco)

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

I can’t close out March without remembering and reposting my Week #132 blog for Cindy Tedesco — a family friend and friend to SO MANY others, who passed away two years ago on March 23rd after a nearly 5-year battle with Ovarian Cancer.

She was young.  Too young.

As word of Cindy’s passing spread, and her Facebook page filled with condolences, I was reminded of a blog post she wrote in March of 2015 that was published on the ihadcancer.com website.  (You can read Cindy’s post in its entirety here.)

Cindy was so proud to write and share her story — and I was so happy for her when it was chosen.  When I shared her post on Facebook the day it published — I wrote that Cindy was a true warrior.  Not simply because she survived — but that she chose to THRIVE.

One of the things I most appreciated about Cindy was her honesty about her battle.  She shared openly about the highs, the lows, the anxiety, the grief.  But she also shared her joy and exuberance for life.  The day-to-day moments that made her life precious: meals with her husband, time with her cat, days at the beach, new haircuts and shoes, painted nails and toes, afternoons at her pool, and emojis!  Oh…the emojis!  Cindy left no stone unturned.

Perhaps because she knew there was no time.

Cindy’s last line in her post sums it up perfectly:
“We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!”

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Chose to THRIVE!  This is trite — but life is not a dress rehearsal.  You are on a stage all your own.  Step out.  Share honestly.  Spend time doing the things you love, the things that make you laugh, the things you want to be remembered for.  Our time is short…sometimes shorter than we imagine it will be.  Chose to THRIVE!

Thank you Cindy, once again, for sharing your life openly and honestly with all who were lucky to know you.  And to Cindy’s family, friends, loved ones, coworkers, and Teal Sisters — my continued condolences to you all.  There are some losses we never get over…we just have to go on, broken-hearted as we are, and live as they would want us to — fully.

Spread Happyness — remember Cindy, tell YOUR story, and chose to THRIVE!

3/29/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

(Cindy’s post is referenced with permission — and originally appeared on IHadCancer.com.)

Week #236 – To Life!  (Happy Spring!)

In addition to welcoming Spring this week, James and I are celebrating three years since our somewhat abrupt move to Los Angeles. And so, as I do from time to time — I’m looking back to see what was on my mind, and what I can learn from myself three years later.

So here’s a repost from Week #80…I hope it speaks to you the same way it is speaking to me this week. Enjoy!

[Repost: Week #80 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)]

As many of you know, I spent the last three weeks packing, driving across the country, and moving into my new apartment in Los Angeles.

It was a fast move.  And it’s been disorienting to say the least.

What is usually a very grounded time for me…vernal equinox, full moon, end of the first quarter…has been nothing short of tumultuous.  In addition to the physical disruption of moving, I have had to grieve the losses of a location, jobs, people, and neighborhood pets I loved — and in the separation from those places and venture into new experiences, re-grieve the loss of my brother all over again.

Every day on our drive across the country there was yet another moment of wanting to text, to call, to share a story, to laugh at some ridiculousness.

And every day we were faced with the enormity of the void.  The eternal void.

It was enough to make me want to turn around and go back home.  Put everything right back where it was…and stay in the bubble that he left behind.  Because as empty as it is — or was — at least it was his!

And as I ventured west, there was an uncomfortable openness.  Not just in the physical terrain — which was amazing.  But in unanswered questions.  Endless scenarios about how this will all play out.

And yet one thing remained the same…I couldn’t go back.  I had only one direction to go…and that was absolutely and undeniably forward.

There is an old saying that life is for the living.  This is hard for grieving people — because while the resolve is there, it is our nature to want to hold on to the person (or pet or job or house) we lost.

As we enter into Spring — and a whole new quarter — I’m resolved (updated to add: again!) to let go of things.  I’ll be starting with physical things as I move in and continue to clean and declutter my new space.  But there are emotional and psychological things to purge, as well.  And I’ll be working on them, too!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: CELEBRATE SPRING!  Whatever dust may have collected over your things, your body, or your being — shake it off this week with some spring cleaning.  Open the blinds, open your heart, and open your grip on the things you are clinging to.  Try some new things out for size.  Shake up your routine.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Ungrounded can be uncomfortable — but LIFE sometimes needs a little time and space in order for it to take root!

TO LIFE!!!  TO LOVE!!!  TO HAPPYNESS!!!  

Happy Spring!!!

Spread Happyness – share your favorite Spring Cleaning strategies in the comments!

3/22/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

“Mmmm…coffeee.” (photo and capuccino by Grace Church)

Week #235 – “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk…)

Greetings, Tribe — and Happy Friday!!!

Can you believe it’s already March 15th?!  I have to be honest…I can’t believe it’s already Friday, let alone the middle of March!

It has been a non-stop week of busyness for me…which always leaves me fantasizing about the luxury of a long, lingering lunch or coffee or movie with friends (3 hours and 20 minutes to be exact…we saw The Godfather Part II).

Which reminds me of this post from Week #137: a week someone invited me to coffee…and I accepted!

[Re-post from Week #137: “Grab a coffee!”]

I have to be honest…I don’t socialize much.

It’s not because I don’t want to.  Between odd working hours, night-owl status, and the love of quiet time — I just don’t get out during the day a whole lot.

And…I’m not too good at it.

Which means I don’t do lunch, coffee, or even happy hour nearly as often as I should!

But this week…someone invited me to coffee.  And despite every cell of my being wanting to run home to the next project on my to-do list, I accepted.

And you know what?  It was really nice!

Ever notice how really hard it is to make friends as an adult?  Everyone is so busy with kids, work, husbands, wives, elderly parents, or soccer/baseball weekends.  It leaves very little time for adults to get to know each other.

I don’t even have kids and this is true for me.  Many of my adult friends have been made through work.  Sweating and stressing side-by-side has a way of bonding people!  (You also have the added bonus of learning about people’s character before you venture into social engagement with them!)

Meeting up with an (almost) complete stranger to “grab a coffee” was a challenge.  Would I be interesting or funny enough?  Would it get too heavy?  Would I talk too much?  Not enough?  Would I ask the right questions?  Would we have to talk politics?  To be honest…it was uncomfortable.

Which is exactly why I did it!

I work with strangers every day…and have no trouble talking to the random guy on the train, the lady at the grocery store, even getting critical notes on my work.  But to sit down and have a conversation just for the hell of it?  That’s a whole different thing!

But I’m so glad I did!

Swapping stories with someone about who we are, what we do, how we got here, what we’re working on, and where we’re going — it helped shake up my own perspective.  Not just of myself — but others.  To spend time listening, engaging, asking questions, and sharing experiences — it not only connected me to another person, it re-connected me to myself.

And that might be the most important coffee date of all!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk).  Find someone this week that you’d like to get to know better — and grab a coffee!  It could be a coworker, a neighbor, another parent from school, or a seat mate on your commute home.  Yes, it might be awkward…but give it a try!  Set a time limit, have some place to go, or only so-much-money in the meter…but don’t back out!

Your invitation, just like mine, might be the only one that person receives in a long time!

Spread Happyness — grab a coffee (or a movie…or a Jamba Juice as this turned out)!  And share your stories in the comments!

3/15/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #232 – Repost: “Fitness never takes a snow day.” (Rob Church)

This post from Week #32 has been on my mind recently. Five years since this text — and three years since our move to LA — and some of my excuses are catching up with me lately. I’ve let some things go…resigned myself to others…gave up some good habits…and picked up some bad ones. Maybe it’s too much sun or easy living…but Rob’s words have been echoing in my mind: “Fitness never takes a snow day.” Hard to believe that in just a little more than six months from the date of this photo he’d be gone forever…

What were my excuses, again? 🙂

[Reposted from Week #32:]

With all the snow recently…and perhaps the timing of the year…this text from Rob has been on my mind.  He sent it last year on March 2nd.  He was running windsprints at the track.  Many people admired Rob for his discipline…but his workouts were deeper than that.  They were a habit: as natural as getting up, getting showered, and brushing your teeth.  Anyone that knew Rob in high school can attest to the fact that he wasn’t born this way!  But as an adult, he got himself to a point where NOT doing it would be weirder than just getting it done!

Personally, I think of this text every time I head out to run on less than pleasant days.  I like to run outside…and being able to run along the ocean is a very special gift.  Checking the weather is simply not an option.  N’oreaster, blizzard, rain, heat, or humidity…I simply won’t let the weather be a deciding factor for me.  I learned that from Rob…

…and yet…

…I let a thousand things stand in the way of so much else!  I’m in the middle of a big cleaning/decluttering project right now.  A few major job changes, a couple of very busy summers, and more than one significant death in our household…I can track back the piles in my little home office space and kitchen to all of these major life events.  Reasons…maybe.  Excuses…I just can’t let myself get away with it any longer!  No more “snow days” for me, Rob!

What about you?  Are there things you are putting off for when the time is right, the weather is better, or the conditions are perfect?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead (and mine too!): Pick ONE THING that’s been nagging at you since January 1st…and GET IT DONE this week!  Next Thursday marks the end of February — and that means one-sixth of the year will be over.  Don’t let unfinished business take up any more of your precious time and rob you of your future Happyness this year!  Trust me, I know it’s hard…especially when the excuses are so easy.  I am SO in this, too!  Start small…think of that one thing at the top of your list of to-do’s that you can bang out this week…and get it done!

Spread Happyness — share your challenges, successes, to-do’s or TA-DA’s in the comments!

2/22/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

PS: Rob would often include silly or nonsensical quotes (accredited to him) at the bottom of his emails to me (he may have done this to you, too!).  I always envied his creativity…and I hope wherever he is, he enjoys being the one I am quoting this week!

(Photo credit: Courtesy of Gina Buongiorno)

Week #231 – Back to Basics: Smile, Wave, Say Hello, and Ask “How are you doing?”

Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!

We celebrated Rob’s birthday earlier this week.  He would have been 45 years old this year.  Which means it’s been five years…

Five years since that stupid cough showed up.
Five years since he went missing from the beach we loved so much.
Five years since his very last birthday here on Earth.
Five years since he told me (in his own adamant way) how he was looking forward to his 40’s.

It still amazes me that in a little more than six short months, he’d be gone.

Five years later — and I’m reminded daily of the ordinary stuff so many of us continue to miss the most: his big wave that you could see from a mile away, his voice and unique way of saying hello, his easy smile and laugh, and his genuine interest in hearing how a person was doing (even when it wasn’t great).

Its a good reminder that Happyness isn’t rocket-science…it’s in the most basic of things.  And they are all ours for the giving…any time…free of charge!  We just need to count to four:

1. Wave Big
2. Smile
3. Say Hello Like You Mean It
4. Ask: How are you doing?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: GET BACK TO BASICS!  It’s very easy to skip the basics and get right into the issues that are top of mind right now.  And while those issues are valid and important and worthy of discussion — they aren’t always the things that connect us.  (And in some cases, they might actually divide us.)  So as you encounter others this week, remember to count to four first…smile, wave, say hello, and ask “How are you doing?”

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Bud!  You are very truly now “Forever Young!”

Spread Happyness — Get Back to Basics and Connect!

2/15/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com